So This Happened
by Srivastra
Summary: A lot of things just kinda happen. One day, not so different from any other day, might bring the start of something wonderful... or completely horrible. It's hard to tell the difference sometimes.
1. The First Night

{Okay so a couple things, first of all Hi! I used to have an account here but things happen so I made a shiny new one ^.^

Secondly of all while this is more Thor movie-verse I will be throwing in stuff from the Avengers movie, Marvel comic universe and the Mythology so don't start hyperventilating in later chapters. Also Coulson's not dead ;_; he... he just rested for a bit...

Tres in keeping with 's rules all of the 'Adult Content' will be edited but I will provide a link for my deviantart account if you wanna read it. And _yes_ there _will_ be smut.

Quad uuuuuuhm... feel free to write a review or pm me or draw me some fanart -*HINT HINT*

ENJOY!

Darcy wasn't exactly sure _why_ she had opened the door of her apartment to -of all people- Loki, God of Mischief in reform, at _3:38 in the fucking a.m _but it most likely had to do with the fact that nothing good came knocking at three in the morning -this instant being no exception- and she was worried that someone had been hurt or… worse.

"Wha-" Without waiting for her bleary mind to catch up Loki swept in like he had every right being there and handed her -okay shoved in her face was more accurate- several very official looking documents with very official looking signatures. _Nothing good will come of this_. Her brain warned cryptically but failed to supply her with any options on how to fix it. He was now standing in her living room looking around; from the purple shag rug, to her giant bright red bean bag chair squished in next to the sofa, over to the bookcases that lined her walls stuffed full with books, DVD's, videogames, and knick-knacks, to the various posters and pictures crowding the side walls leaving the brick wall with the fireplace as the only original architecture visible. "Why…" Darcy began, having perused the forms and feeling a very heavy weight settle over her. The hand that still held her door open tightened on the knob as she tried to get her sleepy mind to cooperate with her and put some order to her thoughts. "I'm sorry, why are you here?" Loki half-turned from surveying her movie collection and regarded her with a critical eye. His gaze flickered from her eyes to the hastily thrown on sleeping shirt, to her mismatched toe socks then back up to her face.

"Can you not _read_, mortal?" His tone was bored but held that 'holier-than-thou' edge to it which, yeah he was a God but that didn't make it okay in the least for him to just come barging in at _three in the morning _then act like a dick about it. Like she should be honored by his arrival or some shit.

"Okay listen up spanky," Loki's brow furrowed at the nickname but she gave him no chance for a snarky reply. "First of all my name is Darcy. Dar-see. Not 'mortal', not 'wench', or 'Midgardian' or any other crap like that, capiche?" An eyebrow quirked and an expression came to his face which might have been amusement but she plowed on before he could say anything. "Secondly, _yes_. I read quite well, _thank you very much_." Darcy snapped out, the hand that still held the documents crumpled them as she jutted her hip out and placed her hand on it. "What I meant was why are you _here_, at _my_ apartment of all places?" She waggled the door back and forth for emphasis but kept it open. Loki turned so that he was fully facing her and Darcy realized that for better or worse -and if his smirk was any indication it was probably _worse_- she had gotten his full attention.

"It would seem I have worn out my welcome elsewhere and as my options for rooming are between a cage and…" He cast a disdainful glance around her living room/kitchen area before his gaze locked back on her. "Well _here_," And the way he said that made it seem like her modest little one bedroom apartment was nothing more than a dirty hovel. "I should think my choice obvious." Darcy opened her mouth to protest but seeing as she held a copy of the contract she'd signed with S.H.I.E.L.D in her hand that had certain sections highlighted and signed by Fury, Coulson, Stark, and Jane -which _totally_ made her feel betrayed by the way- she wasn't even legally allowed to kick him out. Not that it would do much good anyway, but it would've made her feel better. So okay. Fine. Whatever. She would handle this maturely.  
And that actually meant she was going to do everything she could to annoy the ever-loving _shit_out of him until that cage seemed like paradise -Valley Hall or whatever.

"So you acted like Princess Bitch-a-lot and got the boot eh?" She swung the door shut and crossed the room. "Well color me surprised." As she passed by him Darcy shoved the papers back at Loki in much the same manner as they'd been presented to her, which he just let fall to the floor and scatter, his hands remaining clasped behind his back. _Ass_. Rolling her eyes Darcy just moved along into her bedroom. He'd need some sheets for the couch, which in itself would probably be enough to drive him off. The thing was older than her and had experienced much in its lumpy, upholstery-held-on-with-duct-tape life and those experiences had broken it in for sitting, not sleeping. As she was digging in her closet for a spare blanket - because she sure as fuck wasn't gonna give him her super-awesome-super-cozy comforter of awesome. Darcy hadn't heard him come into her bedroom, hadn't even known he was _there_ until that moment when she turned and saw him in _her_ bed, with his head on _her_ pillow, snuggling under _her_ comforter. Oh. Fuck. _NO_.

"This bedding will suffice. You may leave." She was pretty sure there was a vein popping out of her forehead but since she had her back to the mirror on the closet door she wasn't one hundred percent certain.

"Uh-uh. No. Get your ass out of _my_ bed." Darcy snarled, throwing the quilt she rescued from the back of her closet on the ground as she stormed over to her bed. It was almost four in the morning, he was damned lucky she'd even let him in and now he was going to steal her _bed_?!

"Where do you expect me to sleep? On your chaise in the common room?" Darcy's brain paused a moment, her anger faltering as she processed the words he used and found the proper synonyms, figuring out that he meant her couch.

"Got it in one. Now scoot." She said jerking her thumb towards the door. An amused expression came across his face as Loki rolled to his side and propped his head up with his hand.

"I refuse. You cannot expect a God to rest on a mortal chaise." Darcy's brow furrowed and she stuck out her bottom lip defiantly.

"It's _my_bed!" She tried not to sound like a petulant child. Tried.

"And? I am your guest." A shit eating grin spread over his lips. "You should treat a guest with every courtesy."

"Oh-ho spanky you are sooooo _not _my guest. Besides you're royalty, shouldn't you be all gentlemanly and chivalrous and shit and let the lady have her bed?" He snorted in derision.

"You are hardly a lady. That aside as a Prince and God I take precedent over _you_." Her frown deepened.

"I don't suppose I can appeal to your better nature?" Darcy asked without a whole lot of hope.

"I do not have a better nature."

"Ah." She tried to think of something, anything, she could say to get him out of her bed. "God Dammit! Get out of my bed!" She yelled and stomped her foot; her neighbors already hated her so fuck 'em. Loki quirked an eyebrow at her, his smirk widening slightly.

"And what, pray tell, will you do if I do not? Stomp your foot again and scream like a child? By all means go ahead, you see how well it worked the first time." Darcy's face scrunched up and as much as she would've liked to just scream and stomp her foot and throw a big ol hissy-fit she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. Instead, meaning to take that stupid grin off of his face, Darcy grabbed the arm he was supporting his head with and gave a mighty heave. He didn't so much as budge let alone go sprawling face first to the floor like she'd hoped. She yanked again, her face flushing darker under his amused gaze at her failed efforts. Releasing his arm Darcy strode around the end of the bed, Loki turning his head to follow until he was looking over his shoulder at her as she stood on the opposite side. She climbed on and placed her hands on his back, trying to push the stupid jerk off of her bed but with no more success than she'd had pulling his arm. Undaunted Darcy turned and set her back against his and, ignoring his chuckle, she dug her heels into the mattress trying to leverage all of her weight and strength to shove him to the floor. After much grunting and great effort her feet simply slid off the edge of the bed and she sat there dejectedly for a moment, heaving a sigh. "Are you quite finished?" He drawled lazily and Darcy turned her best 'I-will-set-your-face-on-FIRE' glare upon the him. She'd hoped that given their proximity and the intensity, her glare actually _would_ set his face on fire… but alas. The Gods were not kind to her, least of all _this_God whom she just realized was not wearing a shirt… in her bed… with her reclining against him…all shirtless… with his nipples rubbing all over her comforter -jealous much?

"Will you pleeeeeeeeeease," She began, turning to face him, her hands clasped before her. "Pretty, pretty, please let me sleep in my bed?" Darcy asked in her most beseeching voice, eyes wide and her lip slightly pooched -that particular expression and tone had gotten her out of three police tickets and she'd managed to get her ex-boyfriend to buy her an iPod, after they had broken up. Loki blinked slowly at her then his expression shifted to something darker and almost predatory, making a shiver run all over Darcy's spine. Still laying on his side away from her, looking over his shoulder he brought his free hand up and cupped her cheek gently, like a lover would, making her pleading expression leave for a stunned one to take over as her heart thumped heavily in her chest.

"Silly girl," He all but purred out, his thumb stroking her cheek. "I never denied you your bed." She couldn't help but watch Loki's lips move, the air around her suddenly felt tight, as if it were drawing her towards him. "Just know that I do not like to share." Aaaaand the moment -whatever it had been- was gone. Darcy's mind snapped back to normal but Loki hadn't changed at all, the heated look was still on his face and his cool palm still rested against her cheek. So she decided to play along.

"You know…" Darcy spoke in a low murmur, shifting towards him, one hand settling on the pillow under his head, the other hand resting half on his back, half on her comforter. Loki's eyebrows quirked in surprise, obviously he'd been expecting to scare her off, to drive her away from the bed as opposed to drawing her to him. Darcy leaned closer, licking her bottom lip and watching as his eyes trailed after the motion. "I don't like to share either." She finished in a breathy whisper a hairs breadth away from his lips as she yanked the pillow out from beneath his head and wrenched her comforter away from his body. His naked body as it turned out. "Oh! My! God!" Darcy hollered out staring wide eyed at his butt. "You were rubbing your wing-wang on my comforter?!" Now his was not the first wing-wang her precious comforter had come in contact with, but it most certainly was the only uninvited one.

"Wing-what? I rubbed nothing!" Loki hollered back at her, the deer-in-the-headlights expression on his face made Darcy wish she'd gotten a picture for Facebook.

"Eugh!" She huffed, spinning on her heel and retreating to the living room. "Take the damn bed!" She snapped, slamming the door shut behind herself. Once a safe distance away she let out a giggle. Oh he was most definitely not 'eugh' but she sure as Hell wasn't going to let him know that. Loki was arrogant enough as it was. Her squealing over his perfectly formed ass wouldn't help. But seriously, if he ever let her Darcy _totally_ would've bounced quarters off of those pert cheeks _all_ day.  
So it was with that image in mind that she fluffed the malformed cushions on the couch, trying to get them into something resembling comfort before snuggling under her blanket. Normally she would sleep in the buff -well except for her toe socks- so that the micro-suede would rub over her all night cuz it felt _soooooo_ good, but seeing as she had a 'guest' Darcy figured the extra long Superman shirt would suffice as pajamas, even if she wasn't wearing underwear.


	2. Dawn of the First Day

Darcy was having that dream again. The awesome one where Morgan Freeman and Alan Rickman were narrating the baby-oil kiddy-pool wrestling match between various hard-bodied men for the favor of the fair Lady Darcy.

It was spectacular. Tom Hardy had beaten Brad Pitt a la Fight Club and decked a guy who looked suspiciously like a boyfriend who'd cheated on her in high school right in the face, while Bryan Cheatham kicked the ever loving crap out of the creeper who'd grabbed her ass on the subway last week. Jung Ji-Hoon had just jumped in from outta freakin nowhere ready to fight Tom and Bryan in a sexy shirtless three way match when he turned to Darcy, smiled, and said;

"Arise wench, I desire sustenance." Wait, what? And just like that her dream broke and Darcy blinked, squinting up at her uninvited and unwanted guest.

"You ass clown!" She snarled, rolling over and burying her head under the comforter, trying to will herself back to that sweet ass dream… she could almost hear Morgan and Alan describing the way Bryans abs glistened… but Loki pulled the blanket from her head.

"Do not be obstinate. I am hungry." Darcy yanked the comforter out of his hand and cocooned herself in it's glorious softness, trying really, _really_ hard not to let the image of Bryan getting Ji-Hoon in a head lock slip away.

"Then go make a fucking pop-tart!" Her muffled voice yelled from beneath her blanket.

"I refuse to eat any such thing!" Loki declared incredulously. "A God deserves a proper meal."

"Then go make a fucking omelet or something! It's my day _off_ let me sleep in! Bad enough you're here without interrupting my sexy dreams!"

"I have no knowledge of such lowly things as cooking in a mortal kitchen." Instead of merely pulling the comforter back from her head this time he grabbed two handfuls of fabric and yanked it from her body, dumping Darcy unceremoniously to the floor.

"Sonnuvabitch!" She snapped out harshly, eyebrows knitting in a glare. It just wasn't enough that the couch had put a kink in her back but now she'd probably have a bruise on her ass to boot. All thanks to Loki. And on top of everything else the Robot clock on the wall was telling her that it was 7:00 a.m _on her day off! _Oh that was _una-__fuckin-cceptable! _"You're so fucking useless!" Darcy snarled out, ignoring the darkening of his expression. "You can't even cook for yourself? Poor baby Lokiiiieeek!" She was yanked harshly upwards by the collar of her sleeping shirt and held very close to his glowering face. Darcy's toes barely touched the ground and for a moment she forgot to breath.

"You forget your place," Loki spoke with perfect clarity through tightly clenched teeth -the human, or in this case God, equivalent to a rattlesnake shaking its tale. "Do you think yourself immune from harm? Or death?" His eyes narrowed to slits and Darcy's breath hitched at the icy cold rage he was exuding with his thinly veiled threats, it was overwhelming and made her suddenly feel very small and frail. "DO YOU?" Loki shook her once, and she would've flinched back if his gaze hadn't felt like it immobilized her. He pushed her away and Darcy, still feeling numb, fell back onto the floor with 'whump' staring up at him wide eyed, her knees shaking slightly, but she remained quiet. "Now be a good little girl and do as you are told." And just like that her terror broke and indignation reared it's boisterous little head. Before she even knew what she was doing Darcy was on her feet and in his face and yelling like he didn't have super scary God powers.

"Who the _fuck_ do you think you are threatening me like that?!" That fact that on a good day she was eye level with his collar bone didn't faze Darcy as she stood on tiptoe to yell at him properly. Her Grandpa hadn't nicknamed her 'Spitfire' 'cuz it was cute. "So you're a God? So you're a Prince?" She snapped out, her hands clenching at her sides as she continued her tirade. "Well whoopty shit buddy that doesn't give you the right or the reason to treat people like utter crap! You may get away with it on Asgard but that kinda crap won't fly on Earth! And if you _don't_ wanna end up in a cage at Casa De La S.H.I.E.L.D I suggest you pull your head out of your ass and act like a decent fucking person!" Rant done Darcy took a brief moment to prepare for her impending doom and enjoy the wide eyed, taken aback expression on Loki's face. But only a moment as his expression was changing rapidly. His lips became a thin line, hands clenched, and his eyes narrowed again as his shoulders shook. Darcy inhaled, trying to brace herself for whatever was to follow with her chin jutted out and a defiant look on her face. Or at least she hoped it was defiant instead of, ya know, scared shitless.

A noise like a slow tire leak came from his mouth and was followed by a snicker. _Well,_ she thought deflating slightly as he let out a chuckle. _Glad that didn't just piss him off more._ She felt herself relax as his laughter gained in mirth, watching with amusement as he put a hand on her shoulder to steady himself through his little giggle fit. Though she had to admit… he had a nice laugh.

Then his fingers tensed and all of a sudden his laughter stopped and a dead serious face loomed over her.

"Consider yourself lucky that you do not bore me as other humans do. It saves your life more than you know." _Oh yippee._ Darcy thought, swallowing hard as she tried to get some moisture in her suddenly too dry throat. "But your insolence will not go without punishment."

"In bed?" They both froze at the two simple words that had just tumbled out of her mouth. Her 'brain-to-mouth-do-_NOT_-fucking-say-that' filter was on the fritz _again_.

Fortunately that dangerous look had left his face and Darcy attributed it to the fact that he probably hadn't encountered that response when he was busy threatening someone.

"I…_what?_" Okay so she'd thrown him off his stride. That was good, especially considering that his stride seemed to be taking him towards violence. So… keep him off kilter and avoid whatever 'punishment' he'd been talking about, and hopefully making him forget about this little incident. _Sounds like a really crappy plan… but okay_.

"Well I was thinking that you have no right to act like such a bitch since, ya know, this is _my _apartment and you stole _my_ bed and then I was thinking that you are the only ever uninvited naked guy in _my_ bed and then I was thinking about your ass and that I _might _forgive you for being, like the worst house guest _ever_ if you let me bounce quarters off of it, but then you were still acting like an asshole casserole, _especially _since you came in at _three thirty_ last night -which is totally not cool by the way- and got your naked all over my bed and then you were talking about punishment and I remembered how in high school anytime we got fortune cookies we'd read 'em and say 'in bed' at the end and then you stopped talking and I have this problem with word vomit where stuff just kinda tumbles out of my mouth as soon as I think it, like a brain filter is missing or broken or something and as I'm saying this I realize I'm doing exactly that, the word vomit thing, so I'm gonna stop talking now and breathe." And to Darcy's own personal surprise she actually did. Though she didn't know if the fact that she'd actually _said_ all of that to a God with some heavy emotional issues and shoddy conflict resolution skills was such a good idea but he hadn't smote her yet so… maybe long winded rambling wasn't such a crappy plan after all? Hell as her Grammy always said she could 'talk the ears offa mule' but Loki's ears were still intact… and he was just kinda standing there staring at her like he had absolutely no idea how to react. _Yay! Operation Confuse-A-God is successful so far! Now I don't have to run screaming from my apartment without pants… or underwear… Oh Crap did he see my hoo-hah when I fell on the floor?! _

A heavy sigh escaped his lips and Loki released her shoulder, pinching the bridge of his nose as if to stave off a headache.

"Woman…" Loki's voice sounded pained and his eyes were screwed shut tightly. "You are not sane, are you?"

"I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested." He looked up at her quizzically, obviously not acclimated with the finer points of human entertainment.

"Errhm… tested? Loki inquired, his brow furrowed.

"Never mind, Earth joke."

"I do not under-"

"Tell you what!" She cut off, her voice over loud just so he wouldn't press the matter. "Since you're really good at making a girl regret not wearing pants, why don't you go pour yourself some juice or whatever you want to drink while I go get changed and then I'll make you something to eat. Okay?" She felt like she was bargaining with her nephew but seeing as the tension and the scary vibes were gone she couldn't much bring herself to care.

"Wench I told you I do not coo-"

"IT'S NOT COOKING!" Darcy snapped. Was he _seriously_ not even going to give her five minutes to put on some freaking pants?! She'd even been _so_ kind as to offer breakfast which not ten minutes before had been the subject to herald a war in her living room. "Look," She began making her tone as reasonable as possible and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You don't even _have_ to do _that_, just be somewhere that isn't my bedroom or bathroom for like five minutes, okay spanky?" Darcy watched his expression closely, other than being a little miffed at his nickname he wasn't emoting much and that made her kinda nervous seeing as he'd run the gamut from rage to death threats to laughter in the span of like ten minutes.

"Very well." He stated simply giving her no clue as to what end of the emotional spectrum he'd ended on as he turned and walked into the kitchen. Well whatever. Sighing and shaking her head Darcy snagged her glasses off of the coffee table, retreated into her bedroom to dig out some clean clothes before peeping out from the door, wondering if he'd actually gotten himself something to drink or was just sitting there staring into the dark abyss of his soul. _I swear to… I dunno Somebody, if he can't even pour a glass of juice for himself I'm gonna- _but she had no need to finish her threat with some clever torture, even if she could think of several, seeing as he was sitting quietly at her chipped Formica kitchen table reading a newspaper. _Where did he…never mind. _There was a glass of OJ next to him so not a single fuck was given. Scampering into her bathroom for the morning cleansing ritual Darcy found her indomitable good mood returning and hummed the tune of 'Diamond of the Desert' by Daisy Chainsaw while washing her face.

It wasn't until she was pulling her skinny jeans on that sudden realization struck and made her pause. "That magnificent bastard…" She mumbled zipping up her jeans. The good mood was effectively gone but hey, don't get mad get even, right? So tucking her hair behind her ears and trying to channel _'The First Wives Club'_ for inspiration she emerged from the bathroom, noticing as she entered the kitchen alcove that he was reading a German newspaper but she deigned not to comment on the matter. Slamming the cupboard door open and shut she dropped a bowl onto the counter and tossed a spoon in from her silverware drawer. Making excessive noise as she dumped the stale Lucky Charms into the bowl, sloshed the milk over it and then all but threw it on the table beside Loki. Folding down the corner of his newspaper he quirked an eyebrow at the rainbow mush in the bowl.

"And this is…?"

"Breakfast." Darcy stated flippantly as she snatched her keys off of the counter. "It's called cereal. I cooked it for you." She cast a glance over her shoulder as she walked into the living room, chuckling at the expression on his face.

"You did no more cooking than _I_-"

"Imagine that." She interrupted, pulling her messenger bag out from underneath the coffee table.

"Surely this isn't food."

"Don't call me Shirley," Darcy called out as she dug a pair of black ballet flats with silver stars on them from underneath the couch. "And it most certainly is… edible. Especially when you're a broke college kid." Standing back up she slid her flats on and threw her bag over her shoulder. "Just be glad it's not fried Spam on toast." Now personally Darcy _liked_ Spam but she sincerely doubted that Loki would hold the same appreciation for the glorified jelly 'meat' as she did but hey, everybody had their failings.

"What is Spam?" He asked still not taking his eyes off of the Lucky Charms, as if the Leprechaun from the box was going to leap out of the bowl and maul him or something. Funny as that would be…

"Stuff Posing As Meat." Darcy explained walking over to the door and grasping the handle. "Now, do you have anymore questions? Cuz I would _like _to get going." Loki's eyes roved from the bowl to Darcy and for the second time in four hours -Four. Fucking. Hours! Ugh, she was gonna need a coffee enema to get through _this_ day- he looked at her with those piercing green eyes and his full attention. The hairs on her arms and the back of her neck rose but she couldn't figure out _why_ he was looking at her like that, was it her Nyan Cat t-shirt? The ripped skinny jeans? The canvas messenger bag she'd tye-dyed to look like a blue-green Fruit Roll Up? The ceramic cupcake with a mustache necklace she was wearing? Seriously, what? Darcy was about to ask him what was up when his gaze returned to the newspaper and he flicked his hand at her in a 'you may go' sort of way. She scoffed and with a tone heavy on sarcasm said "By your leave," as she did a mock curtsey before exiting her apartment.

Out on the street Darcy took in a deep breath, and immediately coughed on the smell of exhaust fumes. New York was a far cry from New Mexico and she dearly missed the clean air and open sky. Dodging taxicabs and cyclists she crossed the street and began making her way down the sidewalk towards Seung-Uk's bakery. The little hole in the wall café had the best breakfast options and the strongest coffee within walking distance of her apartment. Though now that she was out and about and waking up more, some bubble tea sounded like it might be a tastier option… after all during the work week she was practically mainlining coffee and was more than a little surprised Jane hadn't just attached an I.V drip to her arm so she wouldn't have to bother asking Darcy to make more every hour.

It was just as Darcy was wishing that she'd grabbed her iPod -cuz she was totally in the mood for some Queen- when Loki just _appeared_ at her side.

"_HOLYSHIT!" _Were it possible Darcy would've leapt out of her skin, but as it was she merely jumped back and bumped into a large woman with a uniborw who growled some words at Darcy as she continued on her way. "You can poof?!" Loki gave her a rather incredulous look and just shook his head.

"Really? 'Poof'? It is called 'teleporting' and obviously. Also, that was _not_ food." He grumbled tucking his hands into his slacks and scowling at her. Darcy couldn't help but grin.

"Oh no, that _totally_ was food. The milk might've been closer to a science experiment than an actual beverage but I assure you the Charms were still okay." She beamed at him as they turned the corner. That blank unreadable look came back to his face and she wondered where he would wind up emotionally this time. He fought a thin lipped smile but gave in and shook his head as he chuckled. "You know," She mused, a semi-serious look on her face, giving him a once over and wondering briefly where he'd gotten the pale gray v-neck sweater from -it certainly wasn't hers- but then figured that he'd just 'poofed' the clothes on at will. "You're a lot gigglier than I'd imagined."

"And what had you imagined?" He glanced down at her for a moment before returning his gaze to the sidewalk ahead of them.

"I dunno… I guess like a comic book bad guy or something. I mean you've gone toe-to-toe and blow-for-blow with some BAMF ass people and you're still standin with a shit-eating grin. Which makes it kinda hard to reconcile you as someone who bitches about cereal." She couldn't help the smile on her face, even if she was ever so casually doing the equivalent of poking a sleeping bear in the eye with her finger. It _was _hard to remember that he could fuck her up a lot worse than a bear,but it was especially difficult to remember when he looked waaaay more like some dude who hung out in arty coffee shops musing over Proust than a God who'd made it pretty close to world conquest. Though, in 'reform' or not, he was still who he was and had still done all the things that he had for whatever reason; it wasn't that she'd forgotten, just that it was hard to keep a bucket list of all his villainous deeds in mind when he chatted casually with her… _or was naked in her bed..._

"There are many different facets to my personality." Loki said in a lofty tone that made Darcy roll her eyes and wonder if he could read minds. _Probably can that bastard…_

"Is pretentious douche one of those facets?"

"I do not much like your tone, mortal."

"Do you like muffins?"

"…yes."

"Good." And with that she turned into the open doorway of Seung-Uk's Bakery and was hit by a wall of delicious smells. Both of them perused the glass cases filled with various pastries and confections, as well as the baskets that lined the far wall bursting with individually wrapped breads and treats. Darcy decided on Green Milk Bubble Tea and a coffee cream bread, where as Loki -who surprised her by pulling out his own wallet and paying- got Oolong tea and a savory bun filled with meat and vegetables.

"So like… when'd you get all big pimpin?" Darcy asked as they exited the bakery. His eyebrow quirked at her comment and he sipped his tea.

"Do you realize that almost half of what you say makes no sense whatsoever to me?"

"Like I said earlier," She paused to lick off the cream that had gushed from the center of her bread onto her fingers before continuing. "There's a filter on my brain that only works at like twenty percent capacity or something. But let me rephrase… how'd you get money?"

"Call it… consulting."

"Like you 'consulted' it out of someone's pocket when they weren't looking?"

"You wound me." Loki said with mock indignation. "I would never steal something so lowly as currency. This was given to me in exchange for my services."

"What, you get hired to do a magic show at some kids birthday party?" She asked around a mouthful of bread. He gave her a flat look but Darcy just giggled and nudged him with her elbow. "Chill out dude, just a joke."

"Next time you jest at least _try_ to make it funny."

"The only person I'm tryin' to amuse is myself."

"How noble of a pursuit."

"Hey if I don't keep myself happy who else is gonna?" She asked with a shrug, taking a big gulp of her bubble tea and chewing on the tapioca balls. "I mean I pretty much just hang out with sullen nerds all day. It can be really trying ya know? But when shit gets too gloomy I just imagine babies being born with mustaches and that always cheers me up." Darcy devoured the rest of her coffee cream bread and as she was sucking the remnants of it off of her fingers she noticed that Loki's lips had pursed to a thin line while his shoulders shook. "See?" She said in triumph. "It's freakin hilarious amiright?" But his head merely shook as he regained control of himself and schooled his features to seriousness.

"You are perhaps the most frivolous creature I have ever met."

"Really now?" He nodded and Darcy pumped her fist into the air. "Well woot! Notch a score for the Dar-Master."

"That was not intended as a compliment _Dar-Master_." Loki stated as he finally bit into the savory bun he'd purchased for breakfast.

"Well I don't much care for the intent. I'll take it as I please and if it bothers you then maybe you shouldn't say such things in the first place." She stated with a 'humph' at the end, exuding an air of mock indignation which Loki just shook his head at. _Where did all this playful banter come from? _A little voice in Darcy's head wondered all of a sudden. _Not an hour ago he was calling me a wench and demanding breakfast, now I'm chatting with him like he's some guy i have a class with. So what changed? _She was just about to inquire with the God himself when she noticed that his eyes had kind of glazed over while he was staring off, his head tilted to one side like a dog listening to a strange noise. He made a 'hmmm' noise and all of a sudden he was just _gone_. Darcy blinked several times, looking back behind herself then across the street to see if he was trying to pull a prank or something but he seemed to be just… _gone_. _Huh._ She thought, taking a drink. _Guess his Loki-senses tingled or something._

About twenty minutes later as Darcy was perusing through an old used book store she got a frantic call from Jane telling her to get to the lab as soon as she could. _So much for my day off… _She thought glumly, crumpling her empty cup in her hand and tossing it into a trash can before she flagged down a taxi-cab.


	3. Trouble Brewing

Hell had apparently decided that Darcy's day off was the _perfect_ time to break loose at S.H.I.E.L.D's ground headquarters in New York.

It wasn't absolute chaos inside -papers weren't flying everywhere like Thanksgiving Parade Confetti, nobody had set their desk on fire or declared martial law or anything actually interesting like that, but all of the normally prim, pressed, and proper agents and desk stoolies looked haggard and a little unhinged. Like way too much coffee and way too little sleep kinda unhinged. But shit had been normal when she'd left on Friday, and now it all looked five minutes away from turning into the worst case of work place violence _ever_. So scurrying along trying not to attract any attention lest she be mauled Darcy bee-lined to the lab elevators and hit the L2 button about fifty times wondering when they were going to develop a button system that actually responded to urgency.

Finally, _finally_, the elevator 'binged' and she was a free from that stupid little box and it's 'music' -yet again wishing she'd grabbed her freakin iPod before she'd left- she entered the lab and found Jane hunched over her computer, hair frizzed out, circles under her eyes so big and dark it looked like she'd been in a bar room brawl, and wearing the same clothes she'd had on Friday.

"Jane-bug?" Darcy asked, the woman flinched at her voice and turned sharply, her large blood-shot eyes blinked owlishly and for a moment it seemed like she didn't recognize her assistant.

"Darcy," A small, quivery smile stretched her sallow cheeks. "I'm glad you're here." Her voice sounded much rougher than it had on the phone and Darcy figured that Jane had probably spent the time since she'd left Friday night holed up alone in the Science Cave -Darcy had wanted to call it the Bat Cave but it just didn't feel right since they didn't have a giant penny in the corner or a pre-adolescent boy running around in pixie boots. "The Tesseract prototypes have been acting… strange…" She drifted off, her attention turning back to the computer as new lines of code began skittering across her screen. Darcy walked up behind Jane and leaned in, her eyes flying over the source code picking out it's meaning.

"An anomaly?" She asked, her eyes still flickering over the numbers, letters, asterisks, and backslashes as easily as if she were reading a book. "Why is so much of this just garbled? It's not even one of S.H.I.E.L.D's super-spy codes I'm not supposed to know about, it's just… nonsense."

"That's what we've been trying to figure out." Jane gave a yawn, her breathe smelled more like coffee than the coffee maker burbling in the corner did. "At first it was just a few lines that came streaming in. So I thought I'd sort it out quick enough and be on my way but it just kept coming and increasing in volume and next thing I know it's Sunday. But that's why everyone is so frantic… by the time one line gets sorted out ten more come in and the computers are too busy with the information pouring in to run any other programs so nobody can do anything else. Hence the panic," She gestured absently upward, indicating the office area. "But you wanna know what's weird?"

"Like 'Apple pie and cheese taste good together' weird or 'we found an Asgardian God running around in the desert' weird?" Jane chuckled and rubbed her temples.

"Every computer is being sent information… _different_ information. So… yeah…I tried figuring it all out but you know how long that takes me. I called you because the volume of incoming information _tripled_ suddenly and I'm just not savvy enough to deal with it all." Darcy smiled, her boss lady was by no means incompetent or technologically deficient but one person couldn't be an expert at _everything_ -well except like, Tony Stark. "And the more I look into it the more it was coming in garbled or corrupt…" She paused, her brow furrowed, eyes darting over the incoming lines while her lips moved. Darcy's frown deepened and she scurried over to her own work station, dumping her bag unceremoniously to the floor as she fired up her computer, which was a total beast! She'd requisitioned parts from S.H.I.E.L.D claiming that while _yes_ the pre-fab models they'd originally given Dr. Fosters lab were quite nice they were hardly what the astrophysicist needed if she were going to do her research _properly, _and that they needed at least _one _computer that met the criteria on Darcy's list. They had of course declined in very polite and very formal terms. That was all well and good, but they had no idea the lengths to which Darcy would go to attain the equipment they needed -well 'she wanted' was more accurate but she'd gotten Jane's signature on the forms so it could be considered a legitimate _need_. E-mails, letters in the office and mailed to their homes -which didn't go over so well- voicemails, personalized greeting cards, demotivational posters she'd tweaked for her own purposes, a singing candy gram, a singing stripper gram -that one had gone to Fury- a photo cake, a sky banner, she'd even ordered those special M&M's with 'Requisition #28435-Tec' printed on them and had passed them out to _everyone _and finally Fury had personally signed the 'okay' when Darcy had left bubble wands on everybody's desk. Surprisingly that had ended horribly.

So she'd acquired about five thousand dollars in computer parts, on S.H.I.E.L.D's dime, spent two days putting it all together, another day and a half testing it and about two weeks loading all the programs and data they needed onto it. Once it was all done and set-up and the cooling fans were humming along Darcy had almost wept with pride.

Then she'd made the mistake of bragging about Wibawa -she'd named the computer that because it meant authority and her compy was a Boss- to the code monkeys and other nerds about the place. Some were indifferent, some treated her like she was the patron saint of computers, and others were downright douche-bags about it. One guy had even deigned to say that she didn't need a two-hundred and fifty six gigabyte solid state drive _and_ one terabyte external hard drive for their 'work'. Darcy had innocently remarked that unlike _some_ people, _her _external hard drive was for _very _important research and algorithms and shit like that and _not _just a terabyte of porn. She had enjoyed the shade of red that flushed his cheeks as he came up with some half-assed excuse to leave and still glared daggers at her every time she had to deal with the IT guys.

"Alright baby," Darcy murmured to Wibawa as she pulled up several programs and began typing furiously, checking her own source code, algorithms, C++, Java; just about everything was receiving information from the Tesseract prototypes and _that_ was disconcerting. Wibawa wasn't even supposed to be hooked into those networks -he _was_ but the computers that monitored the Tesseracts weren't supposed to be sending information like this openly. "What is going on?" She looked up from her screen to see that Jane was chewing her nails down to nothingness, her brow furrowed. "Jane?" She startled as if forgetting that Darcy was there.

"Uhm… yes?" Jane's gaze lingered on her assistant for a moment before straying back to the screen as if guided there. A pitying look creased Darcy's brow. Boss lady was gonna work herself into a coma or worse if she didn't chill out.

"Is everyone receiving this much data?" Jane nodded absently, her hair stringy with grease fell across her forehead and stuck. _Well this most certainly does explain the controlled pandemonium when I came in… I don't think I'll even be able to get my iTunes up with this much crap going on, nobody's gonna be able to get anything done until all of this data gets sorted… _"Sweety why don't you take a break? You look like you've been up these past few days doin meth." Jane just 'hmmd' and tapped at the keyboard in quick little spurts, her brow furrowing as she hit the delete button a few times. Heaving a sigh Darcy pushed her rolling chair away from the desk and walked over to her friend. Grasping the back of Jane's chair she pulled her away from her computer.

"Hey! Wha…" Her arms pin wheeled as she tried to grasp the edge of the desk and pull herself back to it. "Darcy!" She cried out incredulously, turning to cast a weary glare at her assistant. "There's still too much to do why are you-"

"Hush now sweet child." She cooed reassuringly, placing a finger on Jane's lips to quiet her as Darcy slid the lab doors open and pulled Jane through them. "You need a shower and you need sleep. Uh-uh!" She cut off as Jane started to protest. "I will take care of your compy and mine so don't you worry. You just rest up and scrape off the grease and _then_ you can come back. And I'll hear no arguments from you missy! What good will you be running yourself ragged?" Pushing the button for the elevator she shoved Jane in -rollie chair and all- then leaned in and hit the GYM1 button where the showers were. "Come back when you've napped and you aren't stinky!" She called with a wave as the doors shut.

Heaving a sigh Darcy turned and made her way back to the lab. Taking her Pucca notepad out she made a list of stuff that needed doing to stream-line all of her tasks so that _hopefully_ some of this Sunday could be salvaged. But she sincerely doubted it.

On the plus side she was hourly so she'd be getting time and a half for all this crap.

"Hey Liddy." Darcy stated as her college friend answered the phone. "Naw, I got called into work…" She squinted at the screen a bit before typing furiously. "Yeah… the computers went bat-shit so I'm stuck recovering data." She chuckled a bit. "Yeah I remember… yeah… y-what? No way! Nuh-uh! Oh my God, you're so full of shit you cry brown!" A louder laugh came from Darcy as she shook her head. "But seriously… okay so as serious as I can be… yeah I don't know how long I'll be stuck here… well derp. Yeah… So if I can't make it you're cool to reschedule? Awesome. Alright I'll talk to you later. M'kay. Buh-bye." Clicking the 'end' button she crossed off another thing on her to-do list with a feeling of satisfaction. Now if she could just get a command line set up to sift through all of the information being sent and get rid of the useless garble… well that would simplify pretty much everything. Trouble was nothing seemed to be working quite right with the Tesseracts taking up so many processes. Tucking her feet up on the edge of the chair she rested her chin on her knees and stared at Wibawa's screen with pursed lips, trying to figure out a simple way to sort the data.

An idea struck and her hands rose from where they'd been clasping her ankles to fly over the keyboard, setting the command line up so that it would separate the information from the garble instead of eliminating it. Hell she had a terabyte, how much garble could it be?

A shit-ton apparently. As it was five hours later, and she had networked both of their computers together; Jane's taking the useful information and storing it while Darcy's dealt with the garble. It was just taking for-fucking-ever. But it seemed like it was working or maybe the influx of data was ebbing… in fact thanks to shunting off the garble to her external hard drive she'd finally managed to free up enough of the CPU for her to be able to run iTunes. Making small noises of glee she scrolled through the artists trying to decide what she was in the mood for… "Ah ha!" She declared upon reaching the 'C's and selecting The Cure. Turning her speakers on Darcy's brow furrowed when instead of 'Mint Car' soothing her, some strange noises issued forth. It sounded like Skrillex and Cannibal Corpse were gang-banging a lawnmower inside of a trash compactor. "Dafuq?" Darcy murmured selecting 'Fascination Street' instead. But nope, Robert Smith's sweet voice was not to be heard… just the Death Metal/Dub-step/lawnmower orgy. Scrolling further through her music library she clicked on the Deftones but 'Minerva' wouldn't play, or if it did she couldn't hear it. Great. So the Tesseracts were not only making it so she couldn't check Facebook but now she wouldn't even be allowed the delightful melodies of her music? Totally unfair. She was just about to throw her hands up in despair and bemoan the woes of her life when the door to the Science Cave opened and a cleaner, more alert Jane entered running a hand through her still damp hair. Jane's face scrunched up as she neared and heard the noise rioting forth from Wibawa's speakers.

"Don't tell me this is the new music fad…" Darcy turned the volume down.

"No but I'm sure it'll catch on next year. I was gonna listen to The Cure but this is all that's coming out of the speakers. I guess this is what a Tesseract taking an info dump sounds like." Jane hmm'd and approached her own computer, turning her speakers on… no noise came out.

"That's… odd…" Jane mumbled. Her eyes flickered over the computer screen and her brow furrowed deeper. "What did you do?" She asked, having noticed that her computer was sorting through the data on it's own.

"Oh I just set it up so that the info that was being received by your compy got sent to mine first, Wibawa is separating the obvious garble from the info before shunting back to you and since you've been working on it much longer than me, your library of what is defined as 'info' versus 'garble' is more fleshed out and is using it's processes to fine tune it down and send the corrupt info into the external hard drive. I may be wrong but I think we're gonna fill it up." Jane's gaze shot over to Darcy, eyes wide and a look of terror on her face.

"But the research on there… the algorithms! Darcy that took _years_ to compile what if the garble corrupts the hard drive?!" Her hands shot up in a placating manner, trying to calm the boss lady before all the good effects of her nap went down the crapper.

"Well they haven't taken the original pre-fab they'd given me away yet so I backed everything up on it. And before you start," Darcy held up her hand to keep Jane from the interruption that she wanted to make. "My old compy hasn't been hooked into the S.H.I.E.L.D system since I got Wibawa up and running so absolutely none of the Tesseract's info dump has made it on there. I know. I checked." Jane exhaled and placed a hand over her heart.

"Don't ever scare me like that again." Darcy quirked a bemused grin.

"How do you want me to scare you?" Jane just rolled her eyes and slumped into the rollie chair she'd brought back with her.

"So does it need us to do anything while it's running these processes?" Jane asked, not wanting to touch anything in case she ruined something.

"Naw. Well I mean you could like organize the info that's kept on your computer but the filtering process is taking up a lot of the CPU so personally I'd just leave it be until it's done." Darcy stated with an absent shrug. Jane made a dejected noise and leaned back in her chair, eyes drifting up to the popcorn ceiling.

"So what were you doing while I was napping?"

"Oh I completed my paper on Existentialism versus Romanticism, finished reading 'Kamikaze Girls', beat my old high score for 'Plants versus Zombies', cured cancer, solved world hunger, and discovered one super simple trick to lose weight that will make liposuction obsolete. You know, the usual." Jane chuckled, her gaze moving from the ceiling to Darcy with an amused expression on her face.

"I thought you covered Romanticism and Existentialism already?" Jane inquired, they really didn't have anything to do so chit-chat seemed as good a time consumer as anything else.

"Yeah but this is the Professor who goes on a binder every time she gets dumped and Tequila makes her forgetful. You'd think she'd learned to stay away from the sophmores but as the great Beastie Boys said-" She cleared her throat and inhaled.

"Oh God you're not gonna-"

"Anywhere I go a fly girl will please me,"

"…sing… Darcy I beg of you-" But begging was futile as Darcy leapt from her seat and pranced over to Jane.

"East to West college girls are easy." As she began humming the bass line she grasped the back of Janes chair, spinning her around, and making the Boss lady shriek with laughter.

"Darcy!" Jane called out, gripping the arms of the chair as her assistant spun her faster. "You're gonna make me throw up!" At that she jerked the chair to a halt and Jane's hands flew out, grasping Darcy's forearms to stabilize herself. "Ugh… was that necessary?" She asked and leaned forward in her chair, forehead near her knees, fingertips rubbing her temples.

"Janey?" Darcy asked with concern. . "Are… are you okay?" She crouched down slightly, a hand rubbing Jane's back comfortingly. Her body began to heave and before Darcy could even think to move Janes head shot up, her cheeks bulging, that wide-eyed look of terror and disgust most people got at the prospect of retching on her face and to Darcy's absolute _horror_ Jane's lips parted.

"Bleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrr gh!" Darcy's hands had flown up, ready to shield her face from the expulsion… which never came. "Ha-haaaaaaaaa!" Jane crowed with laughter, leaning back in her chair. "Gotcha."

"You skank!" Darcy cried out in indignation, but the laughter that bubbled up took away any sting the statement might've had.

"I hardly think Dr. Foster's sex life is relevant." Both women froze at the unmistakable voice of Erik Selvig. "Now if you two are done being children…?" He held up a folder and inclined his head towards it. Jane shot up from her desk chair so fast she almost head-butted Darcy in the nose but, luckily, she had turned to face Erik and avoided the blow. Wordlessly Erik handed the folder off to Jane and waited patiently as she perused it. Walking over to them Darcy peeked over Jane's shoulder at the file but Erik may as well have written it in Norwegian for all Darcy could understand of it. The more Jane read the deeper her brow furrowed and the greater Darcy's sense of trepidation became.

"Show me." Was all she said and they both left.

_Suuuuuuuuuuuuck…_ Great. Now she was stuck alone in the Science Cave _again._ Slumping back in her chair Darcy stared dejectedly at her screen. _Figures_. _All the super serious crap happens and I get left behind./I _Sulking quietly to herself she glared at Wibawa. "Just you an me now buddy." And with a groan she banged her head on the desk. Several times. Hard.

Mercy, however came about ten minutes later when her phone lit up and Erik's ring tone filled the Science Cave with the chorus to 'Macarena'. She could still remember those nights in New Mexico with the aguave Tequilla and that old juke box at the pub that didn't have anything newer than '98 on it. But seeing Erik's drunk ass falling off of the pool table while attempting to dance the 'Macarena'; _that _was beyond priceless.

Typically when someone called Darcy would answer as soon as possible but… well years of attending weddings, school dances, and a couple bar/bat mitzvahs -not to mention paying homage to the four stitches Erik had gotten above his eyebrow- had all but programmed her to do the dance whenever she heard it, so out went her arms, and up went a smile as she mouthed the lyrics.

_Dale a tu cuerpo alegría Macarena_  
_que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegría y cosa buena._  
_Dale a tu cuerpo alegría Macarena._  
_Eh, Macarena. Aah-ah!_

"What's shakin groove daddy?" She asked finally answering Erik's call.

"We need you in the lab." Darcy was honestly and for-truly touched. They needed her? For real? "Quickly."

"Gotcha chief. I'll be there short order." Plugging her phone into the charger -because she didn't have the clearance to bring her phone along -fuck she didn't even have clearance to bring a _I pen/I _with her, like she was gonna scribble all of their super secret stuff on her unshaven legs and walk out. But regardless of the silliness she was rather excited. This was her first trip to _**The Lab.**_ Oh she'd _heard_ about it sure enough but she'd also _heard_ about Mothra, and UFO's, and Slender Man, that didn't mean they were real but… _**The Lab**_ now that was something else entirely. And while she wasn't entirely sure what to expect from the endeavor her level of excitement was equal to or greater than the giddiness she'd felt when going to the amusement park with her first boyfriend. Okay so she had been more excited about the rides and cotton candy and the not having to pay for anything aspect than she had been about the date part but whatever.

All but sprinting down the hallway the elevator doors opened to reveal one of the suits was waiting for her. Not the nerdly suits, oh no, this was the UFO's-don't-exist-move-along-keep-asking-questions-and-_you_-won't-exist kinda suit. "You my date?" Darcy asked stepping into the elevator next to him.

"I am to escort you." Richard Smith -or so claimed his little plastic clippy badge- stated in a bland tone, gaze hidden by sunglasses.

"Oooooh an escort? I didn't know Jane and Erik cared so much. Is that how you make the big bucks for this fancy suit?" It _was_ a nice suit. "So you gonna go all 'Magic Mike' for me or do I have to stuff some bills in your tighty whities first?" Dang, _nothing_. She may as well have been shouting 'boogie woogie woo' over and over again for all the emoting he was doing. "Oh come _on_ Dick! Lighten up! I won't tattle on you for crackin a smile. I'm just nervous about finally seeing _**The Lab**_and I deflect nervousness by making jokes. Sometimes they're crass and tasteless and not even funny but they're just jokes. I don't honestly believe you sell yourself for money." Silence. Like coulda heard a mouse fart it was so quiet. Well quiet enough if Rick Astley wasn't proclaiming that he would neither give them up nor let them down over the elevator speaker -and in her humble opinion it was better to be Rick roll'd by the elevator than having to listen to that Janet Jackson song when she'd first arrived. "Are you like not allowed to talk to me Dick? Or are you more of like a 'Three Stooges' kinda guy and my humor's not doin it for you? Myself I prefer 'Marx Brothers' but hey everybody has different taste." And… nothing. Yeesh. Tough crowd. She'd just been about to give up entirely when;

"… My favorite episode is the one where Curly's only a good boxer when Larry plays the violin." _Awh yeah, totally called it._ In all her life Darcy had never encountered a guy who _didn't_ like the 'Three Stooges' and was beginning to wonder if such a man even existed.

"Punch Drunks." Who needed useful information when all the social bonding seemed to happen over pop-culture stuff? And hey, she was a champ at 'Trivial Pursuit'.

By the time Darcy and her escort had made it into _**The Lab**_ she and Dick were chuckling and firing Stooges quotes back and forth at each other with the fervor of pro tennis players.

"Oh oh or how about 'I was bred in old Kentucky," She began as they approached where Erik and Jane were working.

"But out here I'm just a crumb." Dick finished and they chuckled some more. Both Erik and Jane looked at them as if they'd just pissed all over the Tesseract prototype with their humor. Coughing Dick affected the air of 'serious suit guy' and stood sentry at the door while Darcy affected the air of 'kicked puppy' and waited for whatever super important task they needed her for to be assigned.

"Here." Jane handed her a clip board as she whisked by, going over to a white board and scribbling some things. "The print out is over there." She called absently over her shoulder and gestured with the dry erase marker. "Highlight comparable terminology." Darcy groaned and deflated. Really? She was called to _**The Lab**_ to highlight notes? Well at least her college experiences wouldn't be a total loss. Snatching the five mile long print out Darcy retreated to an open space of table, snagged herself a stool, and hunkered down for the long shitty haul.


	4. Fun Times

It was 2:45 a.m Wednesday before they let her go home and that had only come with the promise that she would simply be changing clothes and bringing back some legitimate food-stuffs; because neither man nor woman could not live on vending machine fare alone. In all the pandemonium at S.H.I.E.L.D -the entire I.T department had almost gotten lynched for their inability to get anyone's computer under control- her mind kept running over the glut of info the prototype was putting out and not much else, so Darcy had forgotten about her recently forced when she opened the door to her apartment and clicked on the light.

"WHAT THE _FUCK?!_" She'd been robbed! Books and clothes and papers and stuff were all over the place… but her T.V was still there and her laptop was still hanging out on her desk by the window… and it looked like her DVD collection had been thrown all over the place as opposed to being pilfered… so…what the Hell were they looking for?

Grabbing the umbrella with the katana handle that she kept by the door Darcy crept over to the kitchen, glancing at the chaos there with a grimace before she slunk past the couch to see how bad it was in her bedroom.

Just as she slid the door open something moved towards her, and before Darcy could think properly she swung the umbrella as hard as she could. "EEYAH!" Went Darcy and _thwack_ went the umbrella as it collided with Loki's chest. His bare chest. _Don'tlookdowndon'tlookdowndon'tloo-he's totally naked._

His eyebrow quirked as he glanced from the umbrella to Darcy.

"And the reason for this is…?" It was a difficult thing to keep her eyes at nipple level or higher especially when she could see his treasure trail at the bottom of her peripheral vision.

"I…uhm…have you seen this place?!" She pulled the umbrella away from him and made a sweeping gesture of her apartment with it. "Someone burglarized me! Did you leave the door unlocked or something?"

"That is ludicrous." Loki stated crossing his arms over his chest and giving her a 'you foolish mortal' look.

"Oh? An _why_, pray tell, is that?" Darcy shouldered the umbrella, her brows squinching together as she wondered if she ought to hit him again. The God before her snorted and shook his head.

"Because I have set up protective wards around the premise that would prevent such a thing. Honestly, you think I would be so careless?" A full on frown deepened the lines on Darcy's face as the implication of what Loki just said melted into her mind.

"So…_you_ made this mess?" _Remain calm. Maybe he threw a kegger…and didn't invite me… okay that thought does _**not**_ help the calm._

"Correct. I am unaccustomed to a host not being around to tend to domestic matters so I kept my 'mess' as you call it, to a minimum." Blinking repeatedly Darcy turned to look around the apartment. _Dear sweet everything. _**THIS **_is his idea of 'minimum'?_

"Dude. Not funny. It looks like the aftermath of every frat party ever threw up in here then recycled all the beer cans. I mean how in the _hell_ did that jelly get on the ceiling?!" He shrugged absently.

"I fail to see how it matters." Loki stated, turning to go back into the bedroom. "You have returned, so make sure this is cleaned before you leave again." He waved his hand in a dismissive gesture as he stepped back into the bedroom. Her righteous indignation reared its boisterous little head again and before the words 'bad idea' could form in her mind Darcy swung the umbrella at him again. The way he moved was like something outta a kung-fu movie; turning as he sidestepped, Loki's hand shot out and grasped the umbrella, pulling Darcy past him into the darkened bedroom and yanking it out of her hands, sending her sprawling to the floor. Scrabbling to catch herself before she ended up kissing the carpet, Darcy mentally queued up some insults as she turned over, glaring up at him looming in the doorway. The light from the living room cast his front in shadows which was both beneficial -she couldn't be distracted by his dong- and scary -she couldn't read his facial expressions- so she withheld her comments until she could see which direction he was gonna take. "I allowed the first strike. Do not think I'll endure more for your childish temperament." His voice had the flat quality to it that told her all of nothing about his emotional standing. And, as happened more often that not, the words bypassed the filter and shot out of her mouth unbidden.

"Childish temperament?! Of freakin course I'm pissed at you for trashing my place!" She snapped out, getting to her feet. "Besides I'm not the fart-knocker who can't freakin pick up after himself! I mean seriously? _Seriously? _It was _three freakin days!_"

"You would do well to choose your words with more care. I do not have to know _what_ your insults mean to punish you for them." If Darcy had been smart she would have taken the tone of his voice for the threat that it was, but this turned out to be one of those instances where her mouth would be running about fifty miles faster than her brain until her irritation could be assuaged. Which apparently just wasn't possible with Loki around.

"Yeah? Well put it on my friggin tab." She tried to shoulder passed him but his hand caught her arm before she was halfway though the door. Darcy whipped a glare out at him but the look on his face made her heart skip.

"Payment is due." She opened her mouth to tell him how _fucking_ lame that retort was but he was dragging her back towards the bed and her brain reminded her that _ohmygodhe'snaked!_

"_What are you doing?!" _She didn't mean for her voice to sound that high-pitched and squeaky but Darcy couldn't really help it. Nor could she help the 'eep!' that leapt from her lips as Loki sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled her across his lap.

"Well since you deemed it necessary to give me the nickname Spanky," _Oh no, nononono _"I think it would only be fitting that I do something to earn the moniker." She tried to roll off of his thighs or squirm away but he had her torso trapped between his arm and leg while his other hand rested on the small of her back. And in between the 'no' chorus in her mind only one other thought popped in and, per usual, it was not helpful. _Oh dear God on a three dollar gumball machine did he find my porn collection?!_ While her stash of sexy time videos ranged to several different kinks there were three titles in particular that kept running repeat through her mind 'Count Spankula, Spankenstien, and The Spankenator'… Yeah…

"You can_not _be serious!" She was doing her best to keep her head level and not think about the fact that she was on his _naked lap_ about to get spanked for… disobedience? Insolence? Not bowing and scraping and wearing a maid outfit and calling him 'Master'? _Oh crap. Kink overload. Must. Fight. Sexy. Thoughts!_

They were winning.

"Do you honestly think I would have pulled you over here if I were not?" And he was supporting the sexy cause. _Unsexy thoughts help me! Old men in Speedos! Bonsai kittens! Carrot Top! _But her usual fail safes were _not_ working and in her moment of distraction she hadn't noticed that his hand had left her back and was winding up.

_Shwop! _

Darcy's body seized and her mind went blank as his palm made contact with her rump. Even through the fabric of her jeans it stung, sending a ripple of electric pleasure along her spine. A whimper came weakly from her throat despite her best effort to strangle it to silence. Loki made a 'tsk' noise, his hand resting on the small of her back again. "No need to be dramatic. That was just a warm-up tap." _Oh. Dear. Crap. _She wanted to protest, she wanted to break free and run the fuck out of there, but what she wanted and what was happening… well they weren't exactly correlating. Mostly Darcy just didn't trust herself to speak. She thought of hitting him, but all that would result in would be more spanks. And while a small part of her said I '_Yes Please'_ her dignity had sided with the indignation. So Darcy bit her lip as hard as she could and swallowed a groan as his palm connected with her buttocks again.

His hand reared back for another strike and she just couldn't help it when her whole body shuddered in anticipation. There was a moment of hesitation from Loki before his palm connected, harder this time, forcing an audible moan out of her. Loki made a hmm noise and she just _knew_ he was smirking.

"Aa~aah!" The last spank connected harder than the others, that delightful sting making her thighs quiver and her panties dampen. Without a word he released her and, trying to salvage a modicum of her wounded pride, not to mention the fact that she was at a general loss of what to say, Darcy left her room without a backward glance, shutting the door behind her. Not letting herself stop or think she grabbed a t-shirt, a pair of pants that he had -for some unknown reason - decided to fling around the living room, snatched her iPod that had found its way to the top of her overturned laundry basket and got the fuck out of there.

_I'll just change at S.H.I.E.L.D and then have loud, angry words with __**EVERYONE **__who decided it was a good idea to stick him in my apartment. Yeah… that sounds like a good plan._

* * *

Well good plans didn't always work out and today -err night?- happened to be one of those spans of time where shit just went wrong. First of all Agent Dick Smith -which made her giggle a bit- had been replaced by a sun burnt man with a shaved head who looked none too pleased to be there and only glared at her when she said 'Sup dude?' Secondly Erik complained that his Chicken Caprese sandwich was too dry and barely edible while Jane took one bite of her Vegetarian sub before running off to do some more calculations. Neither of them appreciated how hard it was to actually find the sandwiches at _3:14 a.m on a Wednesday. _And worst of all, none of them would listen to her bitch and whine!

So it was back to the drudgery without being able to ease her ire. But man oh man… this was all gonna get blogged so hard later in the most scathing language!

She'd been back almost an hour when there came some banging and clanging from an air duct overhead, Jane and Erik kept working, oblivious to the noise but both Darcy and Agent No-Name looked up curiously. Well Darcy was curious, Agent guy had his gun out and was speaking quietly into his headset. _This guy needs to chill._ Hell the A/C unit in her bedroom window made some downright _scary _noises when it kicked on, this was just some grumbling. The air duct shuddered, some dust fell and that finally got Jane and Erik's attention and gave Darcy her first clue about why super secret Agent man was calling for backup. A voice echoed through the pipe, swearing a bit which made Agent guy holler at them to take cover and popped off a couple of shots, this was the second clue that all was not well in _**The Lab**_. There was silence for a moment then a section of duct work just freakin _fell _and Agent No-Name leapt out of the way all _Matrix _style, taking cover behind some equipment_. _There were some more shots and shouting but Darcy didn't get to see any of it because Erik had yanked her off of the stool and pulled her underneath a desk where Jane was already crouched with her hands over her head, like in those earthquake videos she'd seen in elementary school.

"_Sonuvabitch!" _They heard a man shout, that was apparently not Agent dude since Erik wouldn't let her out. "You couldn't have written a more graceful entrance for me?!" They looked at each other quizzically but kept quiet. "Alright," The voice called out from the other side of the room, hidden from their sight by the lab equipment. "I want all the science types front and center!" Jane had started to move but Erik placed a hand on her shoulder and shook his head. "Awh you bein shy? Is this your first lab invasion? Don't worry, I'll be gentle ~3." He waited a moment, apparently thinking that his promise would bring them out. "K' now there's no sense in hiding when I _know_ you're here soOoOoOoO… how about I put a little lead in the air and see what falls over?" Both Jane and Darcy started to move but Erik shook his head, so they took their cues from the older man and stayed put. "Don't wanna play huh? Alrighty, I like visiting my friendly neighborhood weapons dealer. It's always important to support your local community. I'll count to oh, lets say ten, then I get trigger happy." The odd man with the guns paused a moment but when it was obvious there would be no response there came the 'click' of guns being readied to fire. "Oooooooooone marshmallow, twooooo hippopotamus… eleveeeen Mississippi…wait I did that wrong, ah screw I'mma just start shoot-"

"Alright!" Erik yelled, gesturing for them to stay put before he stood up and stepped forward, both hands up in an 'I-surrender' gesture. "Alright. What do you want?"

"Well for starters I want the others to stop cringing and come play. And don't bother lying, I'd smell it on you anyway."

"There isn't any-" A gunshot cut him off.

"Stinky. Now why don't the other nerdlings come out and say 'hi' so I don't have to give this room a new paint job m'kay?" Unable to stand it any longer Jane scrambled out from under the table and stood next to Erik, hands held up in the same way as him, ignoring the glare from the older man.

"I'm right here! Don't shoot him, please!"

"Hey… you look kinda familiar…weren't you in _Star Wars_?" Darcy could hear the irritation in Jane's voice as she answered.

"Sir, I am an Astrophysicist with degrees in-"

"Wow wow babe. No one calls me sir unless I'm wearing a monocle and a mustache. My name is Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre André Charton-Haymoss Ivanovicci Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser the III. Don't hesitate to call!" Darcy could practically _hear_ the exasperation from Jane and Erik. This guy was bat-shit crazy. With guns. _Yippee._ "But y'all can call me . Mr. Deadpool if yer nasty."

"Uhm… what did you say you wanted?" Jane asked, her tone was the same one she got when Darcy was trying really hard to get Jane to goof off when they should be working and she was trying not to get mad.

"The last nerdy type. I know how many voices I-" He paused and Darcy could see Erik and Jane shuffle nervously. "Well of course I didn't mean you guys! I wasn't including in-head voices or word boxes!" Deciding that it would be better to get it over before he started shooting again Darcy emerged from underneath the desk. "Oh hey! Lookit that! You get to work with _two_ hotties you lucky dog! Alright, meet 'n greet by the glowy thing, move it." The three of them moved around the bank of monitors to stand next to the Tesseract prototype they'd been working with. The man with the guns -Deadpool apparently- stood before them, unobstructed by lab equipment, Darcy merely quirked an eyebrow at his attire. Dressed in a red and black spandex-body armor type of thing that covered him from head to toe, he held two of his handguns, had a semi-automatic and a rifle on his back as well as two katanas and a bandoleer of bullets crossed over his chest. _This guy looks like something out of a comic book…_ "Alright first I need a hostage… eeny, meeny, miney-Derpy!" Deadpool pointed his gun and the cross-eyed Pegasus on Darcy's shirt and she just had to groan. Great. Wonderful. No, really, this day was trying to get her killed and My Little Pony was helping. "Pack it up pops," He said walking over and throwing and arm over Darcy's shoulder, his other gun still pointed at Erik.

"Swell." Darcy grumbled, eying the firearm resting on her clavicle. "No really, I was just thinking a good ol' kidnapping would liven up my day." She could hear the smile when he spoke.

"I know right? We're gonna be besties. I can tell."

"Oh yay."

"Please," Erik started to take a step forward but Deadpool lifted the gun barrel from Darcy's clavicle to press it under her chin and the older man froze. "Please use me instead… she's just an assista-"

"Has boobies, don't care." Lips pursed Erik shot Darcy an apologetic look before turning to the prototype and beginning the shut-down process for moving the Tesseract.

It was then that the lab doors flew open and Clint rushed in, bow drawn, several Agents flanking him, all weapons pointed at Deadpool. One of the suits grabbed Agent No-Name and dragged him out of the room to safety.

"Wilson." Clint growled out, his tone low and displeased. The gun that had been aimed at Erik swung towards Clint as soon as the doors opened, but the one under Darcy's chin pressed up tighter, pulling her directly between himself and the Agents. Erik stopped what he was doing looking between Deadpool and Hawkeye uncertainly.

"Barty-boy! Good to see ya again. When was the last time? Guam? Good times, good times."

"I left you in a ditch, covered in petrol oil. On fire."

"I got better." He turned his head slightly, eyes and gun never leaving Clint, and called over his shoulder. "Hey Pillsbury dough boy! Who told you to stop? You want people to get shot… some more?" Gulping Erik continued with the process, fitting the prototype into the specially made suitcase and cautiously presenting it to Deadpool. "Hostage, if you would be so kind." Nervously Darcy reached out and took the suitcase, clutching it protectively against her chest, and wishing she'd just stayed home. Stupid dignity, making her leave.

"Give it up Wade." Clint spoke in a low, reasonable tone. "There's no way you're getting out of here."

"Oh really?" He taunted, then from behind came the unmistakable sound of a gun being readied and Deadpool's posture stiffened.

"Yeah, really." Natasha stated, prodding the back of his head with the gun barrel. And Darcy could honestly say that she had never, in her life, been happier to see a Russian. Well not really _see_ since Natasha had snuck up behind them but the sentiment remained.

"Awh no fair Tasha! I call hax!"

"Call it what you want, I'll put a bullet through your head. Now let her go." But he just chuckled and that made Darcy feel incredibly nervous.

"Yeah, no. Mercenaries gotta merc so… _YOINK!"_ And just like that they disappeared.


	5. Deadpool Style

So Dead pool's 'poof' thing was not like Loki's 'poof' thing - and every time she thought the words 'poof-thing' she couldn't help but think of all those 'Fairly Odd Parents' yaoi dojinshi's her friend Ameilia kept e-mailing her. But Loki's 'poof' thing -_hee hee_- was magical where as Deadpool's was scientific… if she was understanding him correctly. It was also called a 'Super Cool Teleporty Body Slide' apparently… It was kinda hard to follow along with half of the things he said seeing as he'd start talking about one thing, drift off and then start-up on something completely different.

Like going out of range on the R&B radio station and picking up the Spanish one suddenly.

Also he had a boyfriend named Cable… or they were friends… or bromantic or something. He was difficult to keep up with and Darcy had an inkling that maybe this was how Loki felt when he talked to her.

"So no, seriously, how does it go?" Deadpool kicked his legs out from one side to the other looking like a hip-swinging Elvis clock having a seizure. Darcy let out a sigh and restarted the song.

"No, like this. Like you're riding a horse." This was the _fifth time _she had to show him how to do the Gangnam Style dance, it wasn't _that hard… _and then she noticed him staring rather fixedly at her breasts and Darcy immediately stopped, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at him. "Didn't we _just_ talk about this?" Deadpool crossed his own arms and made a 'humph' noise.

"_I'm _the kidnapper I don't see why _you _get to make up the rules. Plus I have guns 'n stuff."

"Well then next time maybe you shouldn't lose at rock, paper, scissors." He grumbled something about being distracted and Jell-O that she chose to ignore. "So… how long are these dudes gonna take? It's been like an hour and a half, shouldn't somebody have shown up by now?" Darcy asked looking around the abandoned warehouse.

"You know… now that I think about it I might've said to meet at River Green Circle… or was it Green Circle River?" Deadpool rubbed his chin, gazing off at nothing. "Hmm… maybe it was on Bartley street?" Darcy made an exasperated noise and stomped her foot.

"How many sketchy abandoned warehouses are there?!"

"Well there's this one… the one on Bartley street… the one on Green River Circle… or was it Circle

River Green? Hmm… well anyway there's _a lot. _But relax babe," Deadpool threw his arm around her shoulder and bumped her hip with his. "I know how we can pass the time." She was fairly certain that he was waggling his eyebrows suggestively at her but it was hard to tell with his mask on.

"Do we have to go over the rules again?"

"Rule number one is that we don't talk about rules two through thirty something."

"No. Those are Internet rules. We are _not _following Internet rules."

"Not even rule thirty-four?"

"_Especially not rule thirty-four." _She hissed out shrugging his arm off of her shoulder and stepping away, arms still crossed over her chest.

"Awh _please?_ I've been such a good boy this year!"

"You kidnapped me and stole a super-secret government project to sell off to some terrorists who can't even show up on time."

"Well when you put it _that_ way of course it sounds _bad._"

"I don't see how I could put it anyway that _doesn't _sound bad."

"Hmm… Ah-ha! No… no that sounds worse." He rubbed his chin and made more 'hmming' noises. "I… uh, my grandmother is… well see, my cat has this allergy and… ah screw it. I just need money for Twinkies and beer. Oh and more bullets. Bullets are like cats, you can never have too many."

"You've never watched Animal Cops, have you? But not the point. This things gotta be worth some heavy bank. How many freaking Twinkies do you need?"

"_All of them."_

She was worried. Like _really fucking worried._ And Darcy _never_ worried, not when they hit a man out in the desert with a van, not when Secret Agents came tromping through and stole all of their research, and not when a giant ass robot decided to turn a New Mexico town into it's playground. No, none of that shit had even made her lose sleep.

Darcy guessed it was because she'd become desensitized to weird shit early on, given that her life had hardly been normal even before Gods started falling out of the sky and mercenaries of questionable mental standing pranced into _**The Lab**_ and poofed her away.

But deep down in the pit of her stomach there was just this dread rolled up in a hard little knot lingering like a fart in an elevator.

"So how do I do this?" Deadpool's legs flailed and Darcy glared at him.

"Like that. Just like that. It's perfect. Why don't you show your buddies _if they ever show up!_" He stopped his cracked out jittering and turned towards her.

"Ya know I'm beginning to think I shoulda picked the chick from _V for Vendetta_. I betcha she woulda made a better hostage!" His tone conveyed that he was trying to make her jealous.

All it did was piss her off.

"Then why the fuck didn't you if Jane woulda been _suuuuch _a good hostage!?"

"You're not the best I could do but I was desperate and in a hurry." He said crossing his arms and 'humphing' again. "Besides, you've got a bigger rack." Darcy was doing a mental pro/con list of kicking him square in the nuts and had just shifted her weight to one leg when a new voice cut in.

"Uh-uhm… Mr. Deadpool?" Darcy and Deadpool whirled around to see a man by the front entrance hunched up in a trench coat with a fedora pulled down to hide his face, holding a briefcase in front of himself as if it were a shield. "I'm sorry I'm late, see I couldn't read your note… it looked like River Circle Green but-" He shuffled nervously looking from kidnapper to hostage and back again.

"Bob?! They sent _you_?" And that hard knot of dread seemed to grow. Why would someone who _knows _him willingly show up to deal with him? _This does not bode well…_

"Uh-uhm, yes?" Deadpool strode over to the man and snatched the briefcase out of his hands.

"Man they better not be skimping…" Clicking the clasps up Deadpool flung open the briefcase and was immediately hit in the face by a gas. Coughing and sputtering he dropped the case and took a few staggering steps backwards, upholstering a gun and pointing it at the man in the trench coat. "Bob… you… you suck dude." And Deadpool collapsed to the floor, gun skittering out of his hand.

Bob shuffled nervously, looking from Deadpool to Darcy and back again.

"I… I uhm… I'll be needing to take the briefcase." He said pointing a shaky finger at it.

"Listen, Bob was it?" He nodded and took a tentative step towards her but stopped when she held up her hand. "I made a deal with chatty-Patty over there to get out of this little kidnapping alive and unscathed, mentally, emotionally, and physically. If I just give this to you is that still a possibility or do you have friends outside who are gonna shoot whoever isn't you?"

"Oh…uh… no?" _Oh God I'm going to die._

"If you are going to lie," And Darcy had never been so glad to hear Loki's voice come drifting over her shoulder. "You really should not stammer like a child trying to elude punishment." Darcy turned and relief flowed over her like a tidal wave. Unable to help herself she flung her arms around his neck making the much taller God sputter, and take several steps backward in surprise.

"You have _noooooo_ idea how glad I am to see you!" Seriously. Loki being a dick at three a.m? Forgiven. Him being a dick at seven a.m? Totally made up for. The dickishness and spanking that had occurred four hours ago… well her pride was still pouting in the corner of her mind but if he did his 'poof' thing -and seriously that was _still_ makin her giggle- and got her out of there _without _getting shot, she could totally see her way to letting it be. Not that any future dickery on his part would be automatically forgiven though.

"Yes well…" Patting her back awkwardly, he coughed. Darcy looked up from where she'd buried her head against his armor to see Loki incline his chin towards Bob. Letting her arms fall she turned aside and watched as Loki prowled towards the shorter man. She _kinda _felt bad for him, but not really.

Gulping Bob began to stammer and explain himself but stopped when the God's hand fell heavily on his shoulder and Darcy was honestly surprised Bob didn't pass out or wet himself. Speaking in low tones, Bob just nodded his head vigorously to whatever Loki was saying, looking like a terrified bobble-head doll. Removing his hand from Bob's shoulder Loki held it out for a handshake, which he grasped, and with his free hand Loki flicked Bob's forehead. The man crumpled to a heap much like Deadpool had and the relief that had flooded her turned back to dread as the Asgardian strode purposefully back over to her.

"What did you do?!" Not breaking his stride Loki leaned down to grab the Tesseract suitcase and continued moving towards her. Darcy backed up several steps but with legs as long as Loki's he covered the distance between them swiftly and grabbed her upper arm as he continued on his way towards a back exit. Dragging her alongside him, Darcy struggled but his grip may as well have been made of iron for all the give it offered. "Why did you kill-" A bark of laughter cut her off.

"Do not be ridiculous. I was sent back to Earth to do penance for my deeds and earn back my magicks, not slay mortals. Now don't dawdle, we need to get to the roof." Darcy cast a worried look over her shoulder at the crumpled figures on the floor before passing through the doorway that led to the warehouse's rickety staircase. She eyed them warily but climbed when he tugged her arm. Mostly because she couldn't really do anything else.

"Why do we have to go to the roof?" Darcy inquired trying not to look down at the cracked wood that groaned and creaked beneath their every footfall. Loki sighed as if she were a particularly slow student holding up the rest of the class and answered in a tone heavy with annoyance.

"Because wench, despite continued efforts to regain my powers I only have a very minor fraction of it back and separating me from you lowly rabble." He shoved the rusty door open and released her arm once they emerged into the cool pre-dawn air. "And I am not yet able to perform as many feats of magic as I once could, so we must wait until my energies return and I can get us to safety." Darcy rubbed her arms for warmth and took in a deep breath, relaxing her nerves as best she could. The New York skyline was quite impressive, especially with the dawn painting the sky in sweeps of purples, reds and oranges, the underbellies of the clouds were fluffy and pink and looked like bloated wads of cotton candy. It was probably the prettiest sunrise she'd ever seen due mostly to the fact that not so long ago she had been pretty sure of her own doom.

Setting the briefcase down with a _thunk_ that drew her attention, Loki folded his arms behind his back and walked the perimeter of the rooftop, gazing up and down, left to right, like he was planning out a strategic defense or something.

_Oh yeah,_ her brain reminded her, _people with guns._

"Thank you." The way his head jerked up and those vibrant green eyes locked on her caused a tremor to course over her spine. The expression on his face made Darcy want to grab him and hug until all the bad things went away, he looked like he needed it. It was like lost little boy mixed with kicked puppy and a dash of new-born kitten taking its first steps thrown in. Way too cute, especially coming from _him_.

Then he schooled his features to neutrality and turned away from her, going back to his surveying.

"You realize," He began, his tone as guarded as his features had been. "That I came for the Tesseract prototype, not to play knight in shining armor to your damsel in distress." And the desire to hug left completely.

"Wow. Just _wow_." Loki glanced back towards her, that hoity-toity sneer on his lips as he regarded her.

"Crush your fantasy did I?" All she wanted to do was slap that smug look off of his face. _How _had she thought he was cute? Seriously. He was just a sneering, egotistical, fuckwallop too full of himself to even accept her thanks. Definitely_ not_ cute.

"Just the one where you don't act like an ass goblin for five seconds." In three agitated steps he stood before her, glaring down in what she guessed was meant to be an intimidating manner but Darcy, who was running on coffee fumes and a dwindling sense of terror at this point, only felt amusement.

"I cannot help but feel as though we have had this conversation before." His tone was genial and completely at odds with the look he cast down on her.

"The one where you behave like a fucktard and I call you out on it? You're right, it _does_ seem familiar." Loki's eyes narrowed in a positively _dangerous_ expression, his posture stiff and his fists clenched in anger.

"Little girl you tread on thin ground." Darcy's mind flashed back to her darkened bedroom, his palm connecting with her butt, and the delightful thrill that had coursed through her. "Do you need another _reminder_ of your proper place?"

"Well gee…" She put a finger up to her cheek with a mock-thoughtful expression on her face. "You already spanked me sooooo I believe it goes whip me, beat me, make me write bad checks?" A look of consideration eased most of the anger from his face and Darcy kinda wished she had the ability to shut the fuck up _before_ she started talking bondage with the God of Mischief.

"You…" He paused, obviously wanting to say something more, but apparently decided against it and turned away from her, shaking his head.

Naturally she just couldn't let him walk away and be done with it. She'd said thank you and it had triggered his asshole response. Now she just felt like being aggravating.

"Awh. S'matter? Not witty repartee for me? C'mon, c'mon!" She bounced from one foot to another impatiently. "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries." In a blur he stood chest to chest with her, a hand fisted in the hair at the base of her neck holding Darcy's head back at an angle so that she could look nowhere but at him. _Well I fucked up_.

"You speak of your betters with such disrespect. Do not _ever_ insult my mother or…_father_ again or I will do things to you that will make you wish you'd died as a child. _Am I clear?!_" Despite the cold rage in his voice and the livid expression on his face Darcy felt calm and she honestly couldn't say why. Severe lack of sleep maybe?

"Yeah. I getcha. You have some daddy issues that need working through, I get it. Really. No need to spaz out on me." There was a whooshing noise and Loki loosened his hold enough for Darcy to turn her head and look up as Iron Man landed on the roof several feet away from them.

"Geez kids, take it to a motel or something. Trust me, these tarmac roofs are _not _your best option for the freak-nasty." His visor flipped up revealing Tony Stark's face; his eyes flickered between the two of them and the suitcase. "Everything okay?"

"_Peachy._" Darcy snapped, giving Loki a glare that could have curdled urine. He released his hold on her and stepped back, eyes locked on hers, his expression neutral. "So can I hitch a ride with you or will there be some suits in an unmarked vehicle coming to collect Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Bat-Shit-Crazy from downstairs?" She broke eye contact first to look over at Stark. The eight year old version of Darcy howled in contempt at her for not winning the staring competition but Darcy was an adult and did not need to take part in such things. Especially when such things involved such luminous green eyes and an intensity that made her knees quake.

"They'll be here in a few-"

"Great. Bye." She brushed past Loki with her head held up and exited down the scary stairs leaving Loki and Iron Man on the roof with the Tesseract.

"Sooooo... Date not go well?" Tony asked trying to affect a casual air. Loki gave him a rather flat look, his eyebrow quirking minutely.

"The woman tries my patience with every breath she takes. She is insolent and does not treat me as befits one of my stature."

"And the spankings are…?"

"As I said she was being inso-" Tony's hand popped up in a 'stop' gesture but made Loki tense, expecting to be shot.

"Yeah, lemme stop you right there. Apparently I need to remind you, this is _not_ Asgard. You can't go prancing around like Queen Bitch of the Maypole doing whatever you damn well please. Your actions, whatever they are, _will_ have consequences."

"Do not presume to lecture me Sta-" Again Tony's hand popped up, silencing the God.

"Wasn't done. But speaking of consequences, you 'consult' for S.H.I.E.L.D so that makes you an employee, now Darcy is _also_ employed there. Do you see what I'm getting at?" The expression on Loki's face plainly stated that he did not. "Two words; Sexual Harassment. Oh sure it's all fun and games at first, the naughty jokes and playing grab-ass at the office but then someone gets offended and you know what happens?" Figuring this would go quicker if he cooperated Loki merely shook his head but that seemed satisfactory for the Man of Iron as he continued. "Lawsuits. Big 'ol fat hairy lawsuits. And let me tell you there is _nothing _fun about being dragged to court after a three night binder in Bangkok, covered in stripper glitter and smelling like a cheap whorehouse." Loki waited a moment, seeing if this was the end of Stark's babbling, before venturing a reply.

"I shall take your words into consideration. Any other advice you wish to solicit?" And either Tony missed the sarcasm of that statement or chose to ignore it, most likely the latter.

"Yeah. Unless she's all '_Aa-ah! OoOoOoh Mr. Loki I've been so naughty!" _It was rather disturbing how effeminate and flirtatious he could make his voice sound. "Then I wouldn't recommend doing anymore-" Tony's words tapered off as he widened his stance, thrust his hips several times and swatted his hand back and forth. The gesture, though ridiculous in its own right, was made even more ludicrous by the addition of the Iron Man suit. "Whackity-smackity. Know what I'm sayin?" Loki did not, but he was done with the conversation so he merely nodded and did his 'poof-thing' leaving Stark alone on the roof with the suitcase.

* * *

So Deadpool was a well received cameo. I plan on having him show up in later chapters, I'm just surprised his appearence in _**The**_ **_Lab_** completely overshadowed the spanking! But it wouldn't be a proper Deadpool if he didn't steal the spotlight.

Also the random ~3 was supposed to be a heart but decided it didn't want to display the arrow so just use your imaaaaaaaaagination.

For those of you who know my typical upload day is Monday just know that I'll be out of town for Thanksgiving and am uncertain whether I'll be able to upload anything, hence why I'm uploading now.

Happy Holidays to those who celebrate! I'll be having Bloody Mary's, or Bloody Masha since I like it with Vodka instead of Gin(?) for my breakfast. Fun times, and don't worry I'm not going to be doing anything more than eating, playing dominoes and probably reading. Black Friday is another matter entirely however...


	6. Dream Softly

About as soon as Darcy stepped onto the sidewalk a white van pulled up that was so generic she wouldn't have even noticed its presence if not for it screeching to a halt in front of her, the door flying open, and a person clad in dark clothes yanking her inside. She had enough time to think about her imminent demise before a pair of thin arms bound her into a hug.

"Oh. My. God!" Jane was on the verge of tears as she smothered Darcy in an embrace. "I was so worried, I thought that psycho was going to have his dirty way with you and kill you!" Jane buried her nose in Darcy's hair adding in a quiet murmur "And not necessarily in that order."

"Jane!" Darcy gasped, pulling her face out of her boss's cleavage to breathe. The older woman relented her hold enough to look Darcy up and down, making sure she hadn't been molested, before flinging herself at the assistant and holding her in a tight hug. "Uhm… there there?" She patted Jane's back awkwardly. "No really, it's cool. We chatted, we danced, he perved on me. It was like bar hopping on Friday night… with guns." Again Jane drew back, the tears her boss had been keeping at bay started leaking and some snot was bubbling in her right nostril _Eugh… please tell me she didn't get boogers in my hair._

"They think you had something to do with it." Darcy was kinda surprised that her eyes hadn't popped out of her head at Jane's statement.

"_What!?_" One of the darkly clad agent's sitting up front turned to face them and began speaking in a very stern tone before Darcy could properly gear up for her freak-out rant.

"Dr. Foster that's not something you should-" Jane cast a positively _evil _look upon the man before raging at him.

"Not something I should WHAT? Tell her? She was _kidnapped_ by a psychotic at _gunpoint_ from the middle of a S.H.I.E.L.D facility that was _supposed _to be secure!" The agent must've been new if he was letting Jane bully him because he recoiled as if she'd slapped him. Though, in his defense, the good Doctor had cowed the crowned Prince of Asgard himself with that look and tone. Darcy had been there and it had been _brutal_, like watching someone in golf cleats curb stomp a puppy. Definitely _not_ a pretty sight. Suffice to say it had been a lesson the mighty Son of Odin would not repeat. _Ever_. "Whatever was going on with her computer was a fluke! I _know _Darcy and I _know_ she wouldn't betray S.H.I.E.L.D!" Sufficiently berated the man cast a look of appeal to the agent driving the van but he did was a piss poor job of hiding a smile and stayed quiet while he drove.

"Okay so back up a couple steps here. They think I was part of this? And _what _happened with Wibawa?" Jane's glare softened as she turned back around and placed a comforting hand on Darcy's knee.

"Well… as soon as you and Deadpool disappeared with the prototype, all of the computers shut off and all of the information and garble that the Tesseract had been putting out just… _vanished_." Darcy gaped.

"Are you serious? You mean it got like deleted or-" Jane shook her head.

"Like it never even happened." A groan escaped from Darcy's mouth as she slumped down in her seat.

"So all that work, all that freaking out, and we've got _nothing?!" _Jane bit her bottom lip and wouldn't meet Darcy's eyes. _Oooooh not good._

"Not nothing… not exactly… your computer was… well it was the only one that didn't shut down and didn't lose everything… it…" She broke off, worrying her lip between her teeth, eyes skittering to anything but Darcy. _Totally NOT good._ "Well all of the data collected on your system, all of the info and the garble…it it _changed_." She opened her mouth to say more but swallowed hard and shook her head, the hand that rested on Darcy's knee tightened. Sitting up straighter Darcy leaned towards Jane and licked her bottom lip nervously.

"Changed… how? What's going on?"

"I… it… it just, all the lines of code just said 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry' over and over again, line after line all of it… I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." A chill ran down Darcy's spine. "And…" Jane's body shuddered and she lifted a shaky hand to wipe away tears that had begun to escape from her eyes.

"And?" She prompted gently, placing her hand over Jane's which had been clutching at her knee as if she were afraid that Darcy was going to disappear again.

"The-the audio-" She broke off in a strangled noise, shaking her head as more tears flowed down her cheeks. Darcy grasped Jane's trembling hand, she was terrified! The way her whole body shivered and how, despite her best efforts, she couldn't staunch the tears. Darcy had never seen her Boss lady like this. Whatever it was had truly disturbed her. "It…" She hiccuped and wrenched her hand away from Darcy's, burying her face in her palms and shaking badly. A high pitched almost shrieking noise came from Jane and her whole body shuddered. "It was you!" Her voice was still high pitched and shrieky as the words seemed to tumble out of her mouth. "It was your voice! You were crying and laughing and _screaming _Darcy! All at once… it was _hysterical_! Like you couldn't stop! They… someone was _hurting_ you so bad and... and I-I thought y-you…" A sob racked Jane's body and Darcy wrapped her arms around the older woman. "_I thought they were going to kill you!_"

"Sh. Sh. It's alright. Janey! Jane I'm right here, I'm _fine_ nothing happened to me. Look!" She guided Jane's head up as gently as she could, getting the scientist to look at her through bleary eyes. "I'm right here. No one tortured me… _nothing happened._" Jane's lips quivered and Darcy hugged her again.

They clung to each other for the remainder of the ride back to S.H.I.E.L.D.

* * *

The debriefing -I.e. interrogation- was boring and repetitive and kinda made Darcy wish that she _had _been up to something nefarious just so she could confess and get the funky-waggles out of there.

It only took three hours for Agent Carson to decide she wasn't a spy or a traitor or whatever else they thought she might be.

As soon as her foot hit the hallway carpet Jane had pounced like a scrawny bird of prey and hugged the bejeezus out of her. It warmed Darcy's heart a bit to realize that the Boss lady had been waiting outside of the interrogation room that whole time. And Jane, having already cleared it with the Human Resources guy, had all but shoved her and her stuff into an unmarked car with an Agent waiting in front of the building.

"Take the next couple of days off ok?" Jane commanded, leaning in the window to give Darcy another hug. "Let me know when you get home, I wanna know you're safe." Seriously? If Jane was any sweeter she would've given Darcy a cavity.

"Yes mom." Jane smiled and gave her a pat on the shoulder.

"Just take it easy while you're off."

"Jane please. Finals were more stressful than that kidnapping." The good Doctor looked as if she wanted to say more but pursed her lips, sniffled, and nodded.

The ride back was silent but Darcy's mind was too busy turning over what had happened to really care. They thought _she_ was involved? Seriously? Yeah, ok, it was a super secret spy organization so they were probably this suspicious with _everyone,_ especially the non-agent types. But _her_? Really? _Really?_

Obviously none of the accusers had never even met her before.

Then again if Wibawa was the only computer in the whole of the ground headquarters that hadn't been blanked out she could kinda understand where they were coming from… but taking into account what Jane had told her… why would all of the information switch to 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry'? Yeah _that _sketchy as Hell. Not to mention the audio… Agent Carson hadn't let her listen to it but she got a disturbed vibe off of him that hadn't sat well on her mind. It was one thing for Jane to be freaked out by something like that but her 'debriefer' was an Agent, it must have been some grade-A Stephen King horror shit to get his jimmies rustled.

"…Ms. Lewis?" Darcy's gaze snapped away from the window towards her driver.

"Wha-?"

"I said that we're here. Would you like help inside?" Darcy glanced around at the ten a.m crowd milling in the general area and decided the fat guy walking his beagle wasn't a threat.

"Naw I got it from here." Gathering her things into her arms Darcy exited the vehicle. "Thanks for the ride dude." The man simply nodded and waited until she had entered the lobby before driving off. Much to the ire of the vehicles forced to wait behind him.

"Eugh." Was all she could say upon opening her door -which had been left unlocked!- and finding her place in the same disarray as it had been in last night. It wasn't until she stepped inside and let her bag fall to the floor that Darcy realized just _how _tired she felt. As if all of her weariness had just been waiting for her to get home before making itsef known. Of course seeing the quiet chaos of her apartment didn't help either. Closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath Darcy swayed a bit on her feet before steadying herself on a nearby bookcase. "Loki!" She bellowed out, trying to summon her anger and agitation for another round of verbal sparring but all she could garner was her exhaustion and worry. "Hey! God of Douchbaggery, you here?" Still no response. She had to force her eyelids open, expecting to see him glowering at her, she was both relieved and disappointed to find herself alone. _Good_. She thought, stumbling and tripping her way to the bedroom. _Not having to deal with him bein sassy will take away some of the hemorrhaging agony of this day._ Honestly though, she was half expecting to see his naked butt when she opened the door, but her bedroom -more importantly her bed- was empty. A thrill of glee wiggled through her stomach at the prospect of sleeping in her own bed and Darcy kicked off her shoes as she stepped into the room, stripping down to her neon blue underwear she dove beneath the covers, cocooning herself in her Grammy's quilt. Burying her nose in the soft patchwork fabric she closed her eyes and deeply inhaled the scent that clung to it and sent her thoughts to the South where most of her family resided. Mint and tobacco, humid summers spent running through the woods that surrounded her Grandparents house chasing down her cousins and the neighbor kids, sweltering nights spent catching fireflies and listening to her Granddad twang out a rhythm on his jaw harp… and something else. A smell that hadn't been on the fabric before; it was heady and masculine, leather and something electric and otherworldly. The essence was subtle, mixing in a complimentary way with the smells of her memory which just made Darcy grunt in annoyance turn her nose away from the quilt and shove her face into the pillow… which smelled like whatever the Hell he put in his hair -oil? Musk? Old Spice? She couldn't tell. Wiggling and squirming and twisting and ignoring the fact that _he _had gotten his not only naked all over her bed but his odor too Darcy adjusted herself to a comfortable position and let her body relax. Eyes shut her breathing slowed and evened out, she sank into the comforting squish of her pillow-top mattress and vowed to write several appreciative Haikus in ode to her bed once she awoke. And just as she started to drift off… her mind switched into high gear and the who, the how, the why, the what, the where, the when of the day all Sparta-kicked their way to the forefront of her mind, made vulgar gestures at the idea of sleep and ravaged her brain mercilessly refusing to leave.

_So Deadpool was hired to nab the Tesseract, and the Bob guy was affiliated with whoever hired his happy-ass. But they weren't planning on paying him and I guess they weren't planning on letting any hostages be alive long enough to become a problem. And whoever 'they' are __**must**__ have known that the Tesseract prototype was freaking out, I mean absolutely __**everybody**__ was running double shifts tryin to get all that mess cleared up so no one was at peak performance… __**perfect**__ time to do a smash and grab. So maybe 'they' made it flip its shit? But if so, __**how**__? They would've needed a __**Hell **__of a lotta processing power and access to the prototype. Not __**direct**__ access since Jane and Erik an the Agents an Lab toadies pretty much just live there… but a computer hooked into the system… with a bitchin setup… and enough processing power to… Oh Wibawa! My poor baby! And of course the __**day**__ they let me into the lab Captain Crazy pops in to steal the prototype and me?! Shit, no wonder they're all sketched out! Guh. Not to mention the '_I'm sorry, I'm so sorry' _shit over and over again! Fuck! I'm surprised they didn't just start water-boarding me right there! _

And try as she might Darcy just couldn't think of the repeated lines of apology without thinking of the audio Jane had described to her. Despite the warmth of her quilt a violent shiver skittered over Darcy's body and left her flesh goose prickled. Rubbing vigorously at her arms she buried her head deeper into the pillow, eyes screwed tightly shut. She hadn't even _heard_ it and it gave her the heebie-jeebies. Ugh. Great. And her apartment would _definitely_ be monitored more closely now. No one had said anything but she was employed by a super-secret spy organization who had not only facilitated her move from New Mexico to New York but had gotten her enrolled at the University and moved her into a sweet-ass pad in the span of a month. Okay so she just kind of assumed that it had been bugged from the get-go and had stopped caring about all of that nonsense awhile ago. After all it wasn't a matter of national security if she danced around in her underwear singing the tequila song doing her best Peewee Herman impersonation. But now… they'd probably be examining like _everything_ she did to make sure it was some secret spy-code or some shit.

Her mind was running a marathon and despite her body begging for mercy it didn't seem like it would be stopping anytime soon. She wanted to cry and laugh and scream- the thought made her go rigid and the hairs of the back of her neck rose. _The audio…_

"Fuck." She snarled throwing her quilt aside and sliding her feet to the floor. She would go mad just laying in bed turning everything over so Darcy grabbed her panda hoodie from the floor and pulled it over her skivvies as she hop-skipped over and around her stuff to the kitchen. Pausing a moment to look over Casa De La Fiesta -her cousin had made her a plaque declaring that to be the name of her apartment, which currently hung on the wall near the door so that all who entered would see and know.

But the poor apartment… Tornado Loki had left the house of party in sad shape -it hadn't even looked this bad on beer pong night!- but Damnit! She wasn't gonna clean it… no matter how much it bugged the ever-loving _crap _out of her.

Darcy dug into the freezer, pulled out her emergency ice cream carton and almost threw a tantrum when she realized that _none _of her eating utensils were even vaguely passable as clean. What. The. Fuck!

She contemplated just eating the Double Chocolate Fudge Brownie goodness with her hands but an image of her Mama shaking her head and wondering when New York had driven her eldest child feral popped into Darcy's mind so she sacked up and washed a spoon.

Unfortunately an image of her Grammy appeared next, waggling a finger and making that 'mmmhm' noise in the back of her throat in disapproval, saying 'Girl, if you're gonna do a half-ass job you may as well have been born a man.' So Darcy ended up washing _all _of the dishes -literally, every single one she owned- instead of leaving them dirty and scattered out of spite.

The rest of the mess in the apartment however she fully intended on leaving 'as is' out of spite. Loki made it, so he could very well get his princely ass in gear and clean it up. She wasn't his maid or his hostess or his frikkin mother!

Sprawling out on her couch Darcy shot Jane a quick text to let her know she'd made it home without being savaged then dug into her ice cream. Oh that sweet creamy goodness truly hit the spot and Darcy let a lump of it melt on her tongue, eyes closed in the sheer blissful delight of it. _So long as there is ice cream and chocolate all is right with the world._

Then she opened her eyes and looked at the chaos that was her living room and heaved a dejected sigh. It bothered her regardless of the spite involved. Now she was by no means a neat freak and yeah she _did_ have a bunch of stuff, but her humble abode was supposed to be cluttered, not a giant frikkin mess. And worst of all in the back of her mind she could hear Grammy Lewis going 'mmmhm' and see her waggling a finger at her granddaughter.

Grumbling and griping and whining to no one she dislodged a massive chunk of ice cream from the carton and shoved it in her mouth before heaving herself from the couch and returning her delicious treat to the freezer. Well, _hopefully_ at least, the cleaning would let her mind settle down enough for sleeping.

_Stupid Loki. Stupid Kidnapping. Stupid Job. Stupid Spite. Stupid Mess. Stupid. Frikkin. Everything!_

Darcy got her 'cleaning' play list ready and hooked her iPod into the iHome she'd received last Christmas; 'Ballroom Blitz' started up, Darcy stretched, shook herself out, cracked her knuckles, and got into it.

* * *

It took all day -though to be fair she did have a four hour lunch break which consisted of diced tomatoes lightly cooked in olive oil, spread on toast, and garnished with cheese -seeing as someone had eaten EVERYthing else- while she watched a couple _Mystery Science Theater 3000 _episodes and a documentary on sea cucumbers narrated by David Attenborough. But hey Darcy could've listened to him sing the Song That Never Ends for five hours without getting bored, he was just magical that way.

So, with several more delays, Darcy had managed to defeat laziness, slay procrastination, and triumph over the mess that had been her apartment.

The bathroom had been a terrible boss battle, but she emerged successful, smelling heavily of bleach and victory -which smelled alot like toilet bowl cleaner. The sun had set and Darcy had enough strength left to make herself a nice dinner of Sriracha sauce on crackers and grab a wrinkled pear before collapsing onto the couch so she could veg-out to some _Futurama._

But half-way through _Bender's Game _she just couldn't fight it anymore and -mercifully- her mind had shut the fuck up about the goings on of the day. Turning the T.V and her PS3 off Darcy shuffled wearily into her bedroom, pulling her hoodie off she tossed it atop her dresser and fell into bed. _Ooooh_ that pillow-top mattress was clouds and marshmallows and sunshine! Never had she been so glad to spend three grand in one place. And screw the Haikus, she was gonna write a frikkin sonnet that would make Shakespeare crap his britches in glee!

It was a difficult struggle to get herself wrapped up in the quilt before passing out but she was -mostly- victorious and drifted into dreaming.

* * *

The intercom made a 'krrrtchzz' noise before a voice crackled through

"Com… Dar-?" She banked her star-fighter to the side, pulling away from the magnetic asteroid she'd been shadowing to hide her position from the Empire.

"This is Commander Darcy, say again, over."

"Commander this is Fox." The voice became clearer the farther she traveled from the magnetic asteroid. "Peppy, Slippy and I are under enemy fire. It's looking pretty bad, Slippy's got a bogey in his tail and can't shake him. Please advise, over"

"Sweet Apple Fleet did you copy that, over?"

"Eeyup." Over the intercom there was some banging and whirring noises followed by cheers of victory.

"Ah reckon we got 'em pretty well distracted out here commander. Figger you 'kin mosey on in there and finish off Sinestro, over?

"Pshaw. No prob AJ. I got this shit on lock-down. Over." She banked her fighter ship past the asteroid field bringing the battle into full view. The Cutie Mach-Commandos were cleaning up some pop-corn cluster bombs while some Space Invaders were harrying the Solvalou fleet. The WonderBolt Squadron was taking on Bydo while amid the battles was Sinestro, immobilizing and destroying her troops.

Darcy swooped and banked, dodging and weaving between enemy fire and the asteroids trying to get close enough to get one good shot at that bright red butt-hole. She saw her opening and gunned it. Unfortunately Sinestro saw her approach and swung around, pointing his ring at her.

"DO A BARREL ROLL GOD DAMN IT!" Peppy roared over the intercom, jarring Darcy's concentration. Her shot missed and Sinestro fired a bullet of energy at her. Grasping the control stick tightly Darcy jerked it to the side, one fist smashing repeatedly against the Z trigger.

"You are an… _invasive_ bed-mate." Wow. Sinestro sounded _hot_. And evil. But mostly hot. Then the star field around her shifted and Darcy blinked, leaving the epic battle beyond the galaxy to gaze wearily at the darkness of her bedroom illuminated by the streetlights outside.

It took her a moment to realize that the pillow she was clutching was in fact a torso.

"When did you get home?" Darcy murmured sleepily, feeling him tense in her grasp.

"This is not my 'home' wench." She just snorted and withdrew her arms from him. The effort was immense as both her body and mind felt leaden; obviously she hadn't been asleep that long. Darcy closed her eyes and sighed, letting her forehead fall against his spine.

"Why did you save me?" Her voice was soft and distracted as she put her focus into untangling her legs from his. For a long while Loki remained quiet and just as Darcy was about to turn over and go back to sleep a sigh left him that she wasn't sure she was supposed to hear.

"Yes, I could have just left you there." He paused a moment, head turning enough that she could see his cheek, the tip of his nose and the curve of his brow. "But… I suppose my noble brother and his comrades are rubbing off on me, as had been hoped. I had thought about it though…" She could see Loki's brow furrow as he searched for the appropriate words. "It seemed _wrong_ to do so." He made a noise of disgust and shook his head. "I fear whatever weakness Thor has gained from this place may be affecting me." A soft chuckle tittered past Darcy's lips, her breath making the skin on Loki's back prickle.

"At the rate you're going you'll be doing penance until the end of days." His body went rigid and Darcy could only think ' oh what now?'

"And _what_ would you know about that?" He snapped at her, turning his head fully away from Darcy.

"If you're going to do 'good deeds' then they need to be done for the sake of doing them. No ulterior motive, no 'what do I get out of this'. Don't do it because it's expected of you or because all of the cool kids are doing it or even because Fury's glaring hate beams at you. You gotta do it because it's what's _right_. Otherwise you haven't learned anything and it's not truly penance."

"It… is not in my nature to behave like that."

"Then make it a habit. Do you understand that what you did was wrong?" He scoffed and turned his head so that she could see his profile.

"I am not a child. Of course I do."

"Ah, but do you understand _why _it was wrong?" A noise of frustration came from the God of Mischief and he rolled over to face her, a frown etched on his features.

"You make all of this seem so simple."

"It's not."

"Then why do you treat it as a trivial matter?"

"Because some things are too important to be taken seriously." His frown deepened and Darcy just giggled.

"You are worse than a Sphinx." She grinned at him then stifled a yawn with her palm.

"Why'd you crawl in with me?" She asked scooting away from him and settling against her pillow. At her question his frown softened to a puzzled expression.

"Where else would I sleep? I thought we had settled this matter my first night here. Your chaise is unacceptable." Darcy had to stifle another yawn before she could venture her reply.

"No I mean why'd you crawl in instead of waking me up and kicking me out?" With an 'ah' Loki rolled onto his back, eyes closing he lifted one hand to massage his forehead.

"You are not the only one who has had a difficult day. I simply do not have the energy for an argument with you at the moment. It is much too tiring." A lazy grin tweaked the corners of her mouth as her eyelids began to droop.

"A wise choice. I'll have you know that I got kicked out of my high school debate club for arguing." His hand rose and Loki turned his head to cast a dubious look at her.

"Is argument not the point of a debating club?"

"I know, ironic right? Well the Prez and I had a disagreement about whether her giving my boyfriend a blowjob made her a whore or not." She shrugged indifferently, her eyelids fluttering a bit before she forced them open. "I'll try not to cuddle you in my sleep. Emphasis on _try _though, I'm kind of a snuggler." And just to show that she would 'try' Darcy rolled over so that her back was towards Loki and adjusted herself into a comfy position.

"It was not your cuddling that bothered me." He stated matter-o-factly. "It was when you grabbed my ah, 'joystick' as you called it, kept summoning 'My Little Starship Troopers' and repetitiously jabbed your thumb into my testicles while saying 'pew pew die' that it became a problem." By the time he had finished speaking a flush covered Darcy's face and she really wished that she could just melt through the floor. Wandering around New York in her chonies couldn't possibly be more embarrassing than her current situation.

"Ah." Pointedly keeping her back to him Darcy sat up and slid her feet to the floor. _Must. Salvage. Dignity. _"You know what? I'mma just go ahead and sleep on the couch."

"As you will." There was poorly contained mirth in his tone. Head up, arms stiffly at her sides, still not looking at him, Darcy crossed the room in what she hoped was a dignified manner, and it probably _was_ until she stumbled over her pants, careened into her dresser and banged her shin on the corner.

"Sonnuvabitch!" She growled grasping at her knee and hopping backwards on one foot. Her heel came down on her pants and as she turned the fabric tangled underfoot making Darcy lose her balance and land ass first on the floor with a 'thump'. "Sonnuvabitch!" She whined, then turned to glare at Loki as laughter burst from the God in her bed.

"You are truly a creature of grace and gentility." She could practically smell the sarcasm from him.

"Yeah welcome to my life just one big, continuous awkward moment." Getting to her feet, and ignoring the way Loki watched her like he was just waiting for her to trip again Darcy climbed back into her bed and hogged the covers.

"I thought you were retiring to the chaise?" He yanked the quilt away from her death grip with ease.

"That was before I busted my ass. The floor's booby trapped I'm not chancing it again tonight. Plus I got a kink in my back from the couch that got aggravated by being hunched over a computer for days on end." She grabbed a reasonable amount of quilt to cover herself with and settled into a comfortable position, facing away from Loki. "And no groping me in my sleep." She mumbled quietly against her pillow.

"Isn't that supposed to be what I say?"

"Oh that wit. Goodnight Loki."

"Goodnight wench."

"Dickweed."

"Harlot."

Huh. Maybe they _could _get through all of this without strangling each other.

* * *

Hey kids! Yeah sorry this is so late, I kept revising and adding and rewording and next thing you know it's eight pages long. And just so you guys know, for future reference an stuff, this story has the Mature rating for all kinds of reasons -bad language and nudity being two of them, impending violence is a close third though- and if I could have a third description category for this story it would be _Horror_. But for the faint of heart worry not! I'll put a lil heads up at the beginning of the chapters that qualify so y'all aren't just stumbling blindly into it.

Oh and big ol hugs an kisses to all of you who've left reviews! I love hearing from you guys so don't be shy!


	7. Out and About

_The two of you should never have met._

Who are you?

_No one. _

**Someone**.

Anyone.

_**Everyone.**_

Oh Yippee, is this my Freshman Philosophy class come back to haunt me? Lemme guess, the ghost of Psychologies past is next?

_Be still. You must choose with care and stay strong. Events have been set in motion that should not involve you._

I shouldn't be involved… but I am… aren't I?

…_yes. There are many paths to take, not all of them are right or wrong and sometimes you won't know the difference in either case. Sometimes it will be a choice between wrong and wrong. And sometimes it will come down to evils where not a single one is the lesser and you're a demon for making any choice._

Damned if you do, damned if you don't? There are people in my life who make those choices everyday and they're still good people.

_Good can compensate for evil- but good can be awful too. We hope that you will never have to learn how horrible your world can be._

Hey I'm not some sheltered little- wait did you say 'we'? How many of you are there? And who are you?

_Now is not the time for you to know. We must leave._

Wha-Hey! Knock off the crypto-babble bullshit and make some fucking sense!

_Just remember- all your choices are your own to make and those who walk among jackals dare show no weakness._

* * *

"Hurghablegh." Darcy scraped her tongue against her teeth trying to get the hair nesting in her mouth out with minimum physical involvement. When that didn't work she tried lifting a hand to remove the invasive tendrils but found herself restrained. _What the- _With great effort she cracked one bleary eye open and looked down at the arms wrapped around her stomach. Curled into a ball with a warm body spooned against her back she sighed and let herself recede into that half asleep half awake lucidity, to lay there mentally drifting for a few minutes. Everything felt so nice and warm and cozy.

Then reality decided to kick back in and all at once her body went rigid and her eyes shot open. Daylight was streaming through her window and Darcy noticed that she was on a opposite side of the bed that she had fallen asleep on… and was facing the foot of it instead of the headboard. "What the-" She tried to discreetly disengage herself from her bed-mate by sliding away but when that proved futile she began wiggling and squirming trying to escape from his arms. All that accomplished was him _growling_ at her and tightening his hold. "Aack!" Wriggling and kicking her legs Darcy smacked his forearms as best she could with her arms pinned at her sides. "Oi! God of Cuddles you wanna relax the death-grip here?" He mumbled something that might have been words or might have been indigestion before nuzzling his face into her back. "HEY!" She yelled smacking her shoulder against Loki's nose when he started nibbling her neck. In other circumstances she would've welcomed that gesture, but with the 'here and now' being as they were she was mostly just annoyed. Mostly. "For fuck sake are you in a coma? WAKE UP!" He growled at her again then, mercifully, his arms loosened and Loki rolled over freeing her from his embrace with a grunt. "Yeesh." She grumbled swinging her legs over the side of the bed and sending a glare at his bare back. "Bitch at _me_ about being invasive." Her eyes trailed the curve of his spine down and down to the dimples on the small of his back where the quilt covered his bum. Darcy bit her bottom lip, eyes trailing up to head before making the descent over the musculature of his back again and stopping once more where the blanket met his skin. _Do I, don't I? Will I, won't I? _In a cartoon it would have been at this point that an overly sexualized miniature version of herself in red leather and some horns would've popped up on one shoulder while a nunnified harp playing variant appeared on the other and a moral battle would've ensued about tweaking the quilt a little lower for a peek.

But Darcy's life was not a cartoon -which made her more sad at the age of twenty three than it had at the age of twelve- and Darcy had poor impulse control. Leaning over carefully she placed one hand on the bed to balance herself and the other she reached forward, pinching the edge of the quilt with her fingertips she lifted it as carefully as she could… and was disappointed. Well half disappointed, since she couldn't see his butt, and half relieved that he hadn't been rubbing his wing-wang on her. Okay so maybe _more _than half disappointed; his choice in underoos looked like medieval linen boxers. _At least they're not tightie-whities._ She thought with a shudder. Letting the quilt fall across his hips Darcy sighed and pushed herself off of the bed.

Despite having apparently rotated at some point during the night she felt well rested and that put her in a better mood. But hey, shit seemed like it would be getting back to… well _normal _was never even a passing phase in Darcy's life so things most certainly wouldn't go there but getting 'less crazy' seemed like it might be an apt descriptor. Though considering it was only nine in the morning she may have been jumping the gun a bit in that regard.

Treading carefully across the floor to avoid any booby-traps Darcy opened up the dresser that had assaulted her last night, dug out some gray slacks, a Hello Kitty t-shirt, a black cardigan, and made her way to the bathroom.

By the time she'd finished up her showering, cleansing, and dressing rituals for the morning her errant bed-mate had made himself presentable in modern hipster earth-wear and was seated at her kitchen table reading a Korean news paper. "So," Darcy began as she stepped up to the opposite side of the Formica table and leaned forward placing both hands atop it. "What oh what shall we have for breakfast?" Loki's eyes flicked from the article he was perusing to Darcy's face, an eyebrow quirking at the false cheer in her tone. "Oh! I know what we can have!" He folded the newspaper down and gave her a look of a man preparing for a fight he's not sure he can win. "Abso-fucking-lutely nothing!" She smacked a hand against the table-top loudly, the false cheer falling away, and her brow furrowing into a glare. "And do you know what we can have for lunch and dinner?" Loki set the newspaper aside and tented his hands together atop it, his expression deepening to one of a man preparing for a fight he is certain he cannot win. "The exact same thing! And _why_ would we be eating this for all of our meals might you ask?"

"I imagine you are going to tell me in vivid detail?"

"Aren't you a smart cookie?" She smacked the tabletop again and hunched forward like a cat about to pounce. "Because of some free-loading, bed-stealing, mood-swinging, odor-effusing, cuddle-monster who apparently has an appetite like a five-hundred pound diabetic pot-head at a buffet! That's! Freakin! Why!" She punctuated each word by smacking her hand against the tabletop. Darcy then stood up straight, hands on her hips, glare on her face, and righteous indignation just oozing out of her. "AND!" An accusatory finger jabbed at him. "I don't get paid until next week!"

"I fail to see how that is relevant." Her mouth flopped open as if her jaw had unhinged.

"How in the bloody blue FUCK am I supposed to get FOOD without MONEY!" For a moment it looked as if he were going to yell back at her but the moment passed and the man at he table merely sighed and shook his head.

"Well it is _hardly_ my fault if you have spent the money already but I simply haven't anymore to give at the moment so-" Her hand popped up in a 'stop' gesture as confusion spread over her features.

"Wow wait what?" Darcy asked, grunting in annoyance as he picked his newspaper up and flicked it open.

"The rent." He stated as his eyes scanned the page returning to the article he had been reading. "I was told the transfer was an instantaneous affair so it should have been in your banking account as of Saturday." Loki's attention diverted fully to his newspaper. "If the amount is insufficient then terms can be negotiated. I may not be terribly familiar with your monetary values but it seems to me that a tenth fraction of the amount should be ample in paying for _this_-"

He may have said more but Darcy's brain had switched gears at the words 'transfer' and 'banking account'. Her phone was already speed-dialing her bank and the automated menu system was drowning out whatever the God of Inane Rambling had to say. Keying in her account and password info Darcy turned away from Loki and took a few steps into her living room as she selected 'balance inquiry'.

"Your-current-savings-account-balance-is; Two Thousand, Forty dollars, And, Sixty Eight cents." Murmuring 'yeah yeah' under her breath Darcy hopped from one foot to another willing the robot voice to go faster. She knew full well how much she had in her savings account because it was a constant struggle to not just say 'fuck it' and spend the money. But that was her emergency fund and getting the seventh and eighth seasons of _House_ did not -sadly- qualify under the 'emergency' category. Neither did buying groceries unfortunately. "Your-current-checking-account-balance-is;" Darcy held her breath and screwed her eyes shut. _Please be enough for groceries. I am so sick of top-ramen. _"Ten Thousand, Nine dollars, And, Eleven cents." Her jaw hit the floor. Or it would have if it weren't held on by sinew and muscle and bone and stuff.

"No way. No. Fucking. Way." It was a fluke, the robot was on the fritz, her eardrum had a miniature seizure, Martians were beaming shit into her brain to mess with her, she was on one of those crap-ass prank T.V shows; something, _anything _to explain the amount that _had _to be incorrect. Navigating back through the automated menu Darcy selected the 'balance inquiry' again and jammed the phone against her ear, body going motionless as she listened with every fiber of her being waiting for the balance to come up with something reasonable.

Nope. Ten thousand dollars. Ten-fucking-thousand. The phone fell from her grasp as the robot inquired what other options she would like and Darcy turned shakily to look at the mildly bored God still perusing a Korean newspaper.

"Is…" She began, licking her bottom lip just waiting for a clown to pop out of the fridge, throw confetti at her, and laugh at how funny this joke was. "Is that for the _month_?" Loki glanced up at her, back to his newspaper, then back to her with his brow furrowed in… concern? She forced herself to stop shaking and took in a calming breath as she flopped down into her dining chair.

"I was told rent is paid by the month. Is the amount insufficient?" Her mouth went dry and try as she might no words came out so Darcy just shook her head feeling a bit dizzy. She tried to sit down and belatedly realized that she already was so instead her arms rose to the table and Darcy dropped her head onto them as she took in several calming breathes.

"Who…" She finally managed to get out after a long moment, her voice cracking a bit. "Who uh told you that?" Her head rose from her arm cushion and she stared hard at the renowned God of Mischief, waiting for him to tell her that she had just been _Punk'd _Asgard style. The furrow in Loki's brow deepened, his eyes watching her closely as if he thought she was going to pass out at any moment. Hell she felt like she might.

"Stark did. He is a renowned merchant on your realm so I thought it prudent to consult with him regarding your currency." Stark. Tony Stark. Ironman. That wonderful, glorious, magnificent human being. _Oh damn I gotta say thanks next time I see him… a card, some flowers, a blowjob, cookies maybe? Dang, it's gotta be something awesome for sure._

"So… what? You guys are drinking buddies now?" The concern melted off of his face and Loki sniffed disdainfully, flicking his newspaper as if to shoo her away with it.

"My consultations with S.H.I.E.L.D often have me working in company with Stark and Banner though I would hardly refer to them as 'buddies'." It was still sinking in that putting up with Loki was going to be paying her more than what she made at her real job, but there was giddiness bubbling up as she got used to the idea. Oh sure she was a glorified nanny and the fatuous amount of money was really just a bribe to keep her from strangling him in his sleep - and _oh_ how she had been tempted- but yeah… fuck it. After all these years she had her very own sugar daddy and she didn't even have to boink him. Though the fact that he had command of the bed made the idea of boinking him much more appealing just so she could sleep in her own bed without a bitch-match ensuing, even if he seemed like the kind of guy who'd make her sleep in the wet spot.

Then again with a regular influx of ten thousand dollars…

"So are you consulting today?" Her brain was far and away running over all of the crap she was gonna buy. _A new couch for starters… _and she would definitely need somebody to carry her new stuff around for her.

"Nothing as yet needs my direct involvement."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I am capable of duplicating myself to tend multiple endeavors at once. One is currently tending a laboratory with Dr. Banner."

"Are they like… solid?" He glanced up from his newspaper, the look he gave her was a shrewd, calculating one and after a moment it eased from his features.

"They can be, should the need arise." Wow. Her mind took a dive straight into the gutter. _Two_ Loki's running around… naked…an covered in oil _rubbing-_ "What mischief are you thinking of that makes you smile so?" Darcy blinked and did her best to look innocent.

"Me? Oh… I was just thinking about… sandwiches…" Eager to change topic Darcy did just that. "So I need to go grocery shopping,"

"And?"

"You have the day off as well,"

"True,"

"An seeing as you ate all of the food…"

"If there is a point to your obtuse statements then please state it plainly, else wise leave me in peace." Well someone was certainly on his period.

"You're coming grocery shopping with me."

"Oh am I?" She had expected him to go into pissy holier-than-thou Godly-Princely whiny ranting mode and was more than a little miffed at the brush off, seeing as she had some witty zingers ready. Hell he hadn't even looked up from his newspaper!

"Yeah," Darcy leaned forward and snatched the newspaper out of his hands. "You are." Loki looked from his empty hands, to the newspaper she held, to the defiant look on her face. _Oh argue with me. Come on I'm all rested up and just itchin for some bitchin._ He slid his chair back and rose slowly, hands on the table he leaned towards her cool as a cucumber.

"Do _not_ presume to tell me what to do." _Hmm… confrontation doesn't seem to be working and there's no way I'd be able to get all the groceries an shit I wanna get without some help… _So deciding on a different tactic Darcy slid her own chair back and stood in a manner similar to Loki with her hands on the table leaning towards him, the differences being that she was shorter and had her hands placed closer so that her elbows were squishing her boobies together. Her Hello-Kitty v-neck wasn't especially low cut but the advantage of having a set of thirty-six double D's on her chest was the fact that if she mushed them together she could get cleavage up to her neck. The downside was that if she got on a trampoline they'd give her a black eye.

But her boobie-trap -_Ha pun!- _worked and his gaze kept, not so discreetly, going between her face and her tits. The fact that he had to look down at her anyway definitely helped.

"Loki," She put on her most beseeching pouty face, her widest puppy eyes, and affected her best bedroom voice. "Will you _pleeeeeeease_," Darcy wiggled side to side a bit, fully aware of how the motion made her chest move and how that movement was oh-so very enticing to the male populace. Gods included it seemed. "Pretty, pretty please help me with the groceries?" She would have fluttered her eyelashes but the gesture would have gone unnoticed. Hell the way he was starin made Darcy think that he had forgotten about the rest of the world.

Loki's mouth opened and shut a couple times before he simply nodded. "Great!" She stood up straight, arms falling to her sides and the super-cleavage returning to normal, breaking the magical hold on the God who seemed to come back to his senses. "Let's go!" She stepped to the side of the table and looped an arm around the crook of his elbow giving him a tug. Loki blinked, looking from where her arm wrapped around his, to the collar of her shirt, over to where his newspaper lay on the floor with an expression of confusion and disbelief. Both common in the aftermath of boobie mind control. Darcy might have felt sorry for him -and all the other guys she had used it on- but so long as the fun bumps continued being valid coupons for free stuff and getting her own way, she couldn't really bring herself to care.

* * *

"How, after seeing all of this glory, can you still feel _no _desire for a Poptart? I mean come on! They come in flavors that don't even _exist_ on Asgard!" She tried to tug him closer to the shelves but he may as well have been made of concrete for all the good yanking on his arm was doing.

The whole way to the grocery store Darcy had clung firmly to Loki's arm, partly because she thought he'd dip off if she didn't and partly because of the looks she was getting. He was all sophisticated, and poised, and looked like he'd just gotten off a photo shoot where as she was the sloppy, frumpy, geek-dork otaku wannabe with a big ass. But oh-man, when that skinny blonde chick with the orange tan and the Chihuahua in her purse had stopped and _stared,_ oh that had made Darcy's day. _Yeah eat it bitches. The nerd got some hot man-candy._

Of course, had the chick who looked like all of those bitchy cheerleaders from high school that Darcy used to laugh at when they fell in the pep rally become acquainted with her oh-so handsome arm accessory, well blondie probably would've bolted first chance she got.

"Quite frankly I don't see the appeal." Loki said with a haughty sniff that she ignored. He had been making snippy little comments all morning and she'd been ignoring every single one, mostly because not once since she'd latched on had he given any indication that he wanted her to let him go. And she knew better than to think he was just being polite. "And if it doesn't exist on Asgard then it obviously can't be as delectable as you claim, otherwise we would have created it before you mortals." _Is he fucking serious?_

"Are you fucking serious?" He looked down his nose at her -literally and figuratively.

"I don't see how even one of your intellect could misconstrue my statement as a jest." Darcy closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, mentally begging the universe for the strength to beat him unconscious with a box of Poptarts. The strawberry flavored ones were closest and looked pretty sturdy… maybe if she got him with the corner of it?

"Awh isn't this sweet. It's so nice to see you kids getting along." Both turned, surprised to see not only Tony Stark but Clint Barton approaching them. A shiver ran down Darcy's spine as Loki and Clint glared daggers and arrows at each other making it feel like the breakfast pastry aisle had cooled off a few degrees.

Well whatever, they could have their macho-man pissing contest, Darcy had some thanking to do.

"You!" For the first time since she had conned Loki into being her grocery pack mule Darcy released his arm and stepped towards Tony pointing a finger at him. He flinched back slightly as if expecting to be slapped but was taken completely by surprise when she threw her arms around him and embraced. "You are a wonderful, awesome person. Thank you." Clint and Loki stopped their glaring contest long enough to look from Darcy to Tony in bewilderment, the man being embraced shrugged and had an 'I have no idea' look on his face.

"Uhm… you're welcome?" Tony patted her with his free hand, the other one hanging on to his briefcase. "Hey not for nothing but uh… why am I being thanked? I mean I already know I'm wonderful and awesome." She dropped her arms and stepped away from the billionaire still grinning.

"Because I'm broke and so's all my stuff. But you! You're like a… a tooth-fairy pimp for sugar daddies!"

"_What?!_" Both Clint and Loki yelped out in surprise but Tony just laughed.

"Well I figured a poor college kid could make better use of the money than dingus over here." Tony inclined his head ever so subtly in the direction of 'dingus'. "Besides incentives are easier when the person isn't used to getting them. _I_ sure as Hell couldn't put up with him for another day. Do you know he used my _toothbrush_ to clean between his _toes_ and put it _back_. Worst of all I didn't even find out about it until a week later." Darcy cast a look of pure horror at the God who merely shrugged and ignored the disgusted look Clint was shooting him.

"What? Surely you don't expect me to know of every custom you-"

"And that!" Tony interrupted, pointing at Loki. "On and on with his soliloquizing! I mean shit you'd think he was going to break into a Shakespeare play and monologue the whole damn thing!"

"Oh my God I know right?" They had begun walking down the grocery aisle quipping back and forth about the God of Mischief's more annoying habits, Tony gesturing with both his free hand and the one that held the briefcase while Darcy was able to gesticulate wildly with both hands.

Loki cast a disdainful gaze at Clint who glared right back at him.

"Just decided to pop by and fetch some groceries?"

"Surveillance picks you up with civilians when you're standing next to Banner in a lab, they like to send out recon." Loki made an 'ah' noise and took a handful of steps towards Darcy and Tony, , but stopped parallel with Clint and cast a sidelong glance at him.

"I am hardly capable of being enough threat at this juncture in time to warrant the illustrious Hawkeye and Man of Iron swooping in." He tilted his head to one side, a sly little smirk tweaking the corners of his lips. "Unless I am not the only 'perceived threat' in the vicinity." Clint's scowl deepened at the mocking tone and without deigning to reply turned towards the wandering companions. He stalked off but Loki kept pace next to him, the shit eating grin in place. "Why Clint, where has all of this animosity come from? We worked so well together in the past." Clint's fist tightened and he grit his teeth hard, trying not to rise to any of the bait being set out. He increased his stride and Loki matched it, still grinning like the cat that ate the canary, serving only to agitate Clint further. Fortunately they arrived where Darcy was pulling loaves of bread from the shelves and checking the ingredients list.

"Why is potato starch in thi-" She had turned and looked up at their approach, her words stopping and a frown creasing her brow as she looked from Loki -who had schooled his features to neutrality- to Clint -who was tense and looked about ten seconds away from trying to jam some rye bread down Loki's throat. "Can't you two play nice?" Tony snerked and Clint just shook his head.

"C'mon Stark. We're done here." Without waiting for a reply Barton turned on his heel and headed towards the exit. Tony scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"Yeesh way to bring out the drama-llama." Checking the time on his wristwatch Tony muttered something under his breath and shook his head. "Anyway, you got my number now so you need something hit me up."

"Like if I need a partner for beer pong?"

"Pfft. Do I look like some frat boy? I haven't played a drinking game since college."

"Dude bullshit! I saw those pics last month of you at Oxford doing a keg stand!"

"First of all, keg stands are not 'games', they are feats of agility and strength. Secondly…" He stopped, tilted his head to one side then shook his head. "Actually we can just leave it at the first one." Tony's gaze shifted between Loki and Darcy. "And if dingus starts givin' you trouble just let me know and I'll come sort him out." Darcy nodded and gave him a two finger salute as he turned and began following after Clint. "Oh!" Tony turned so that he was walking backwards. "And do NOT make my ring tone Black Sabbath!"

"Well duh! That's way too obvious. I was thinking George Thoroughgood." Nodding in approval Tony turned and hurried after Clint.

"Why am I 'dingus'?" Darcy looked up at him with an 'are-you-serious' expression on her face before sighing, shaking her head, and returning the bread she'd been holding to the shelf.

"Considering some of the shit Tony told me about your time as his roommate I'm kinda surprised he didn't just encase your feet in concrete and toss you in the river." Looping her arm through his Darcy steered him back towards the end of the aisle they had originally been perusing. "Now why don't you pick out a flavor?"

"Why do we continue to have this discussion? I refuse to-"

"Loki." He made a grunting noise of annoyance in his throat.

"Why do all of you mortals insist on interrupting me?"

"Because it's fun. Now do you want to pick out a flavor or do you want to argue about this for another twenty minutes?"

"If I hold out for another twenty minutes you will not get these pastries?" A somewhat pleased expression graced his features. "Very well."

"Oh no Spanky you misunderstood me. I said we'd argue about the Poptarts for twenty minutes. After that any topic is fair game." An evil little grin dance onto Darcy's lips. "And I garun-god-damn-tee that all of our other little 'discussions' will seem like lollipops and kittens compared to the verbal Hell I'll drag you through. One way or another, we're getting Poptarts." He pursed his lips together and Darcy could practically see his machismo rearing it's shiny little head to fight her. But, just as he opened his mouth to start it seemed as though logic prevailed and he let out a defeated sigh.

"I suppose I'll try the Es mores variety then."

"What?"

"Es mores." Loki pointed to a box and Darcy giggled.

"It's pronounced S'mores."

"That title is ridiculous and lazy."

"Hey you try saying 'Some more' with a mouthful of chocolate, marshmallow, and graham cracker."

"I am already regretting my choice."

"Well don't," She reached out a snatched a box from the shelf. "Because it's an awesome flavor, you made a good choice."

"Seems like the only one I _have_ made this day."

"Well buck up camper, we have aloooooooot more shopping to do."

"Oh joy.

"That's the spirit!"


End file.
